{"id":12656,"date":"2026-01-15T10:45:33","date_gmt":"2026-01-15T10:45:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=12656"},"modified":"2026-01-17T05:09:26","modified_gmt":"2026-01-17T05:09:26","slug":"wellingtons-napoleon-and-giving-chelsea-the-boot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=12656","title":{"rendered":"Wellingtons, Napoleon, and Giving Chelsea The Boot"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

And so, after a cold, wet but hugely enjoyable trip to Portsmouth, on to the Bus Stop in Fulham. Pretty much everything about this trip was different to the one on Sunday. The weather wasn\u2019t terribly cold, nor was it driving rain, thankfully. The home fans were as objectionable, small-minded and classless as ever. The ground was as charmless as Fratton was charismatic. And Arteta brought back the big guns as expected, in order to match up to the footballing Ponzi scheme that is Chelsea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chelsea were without James, a fine player but an odious, whining individual; professional Wide-Mouthed Frog impersonator Palmer; and the perennially banned, walking time-bomb Caicedo. Even without these three, Chelsea comfortably maintained their O.Q. (Odiousness Quotient) by starting with Mark Cucaracha and Enzo Fernandez, an individual with a little-man complex to make Napoleon envious. As expected, Trossard and Saliba made magical recoveries and \u00d8degaard, Zubimendi, Saka, Gy\u00f6keres all returned to the team.  Our bench had no room for the unfortunate Nwaneri, but his time will come. Considering Hincapi\u00e9, Calafiori and Mosquera were all absent, it was still one of the strongest benches I can remember, albeit skewed to the forward line.  Before kick-off, there was much laughter among the away fans when the stadium announcer made a big deal of introducing Chelsea for their warm-up as \u201cThe World Champions.\u201d Dear reader, he did this with no sense of irony or sarcasm.  A lack of self-awareness only matched by the club\u2019s utter classlessness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The game started with a minute\u2019s appreciation, as is now the way, for Chelsea stalwart Eddie McCreadie, which was universally well respected off the pitch, I am glad to report. Arsenal players sported black armbands. I am not aware of an Arsenal loss, so I assume this was in sympathy for Chelsea\u2019s. If so, a classy act. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both teams started aggressively, physically and footballistically, to use a Wengerism.  Guiu quickly discovered that Gabriel was no pushover, which set the tone for his lack of success all evening. On 6 minutes, we won a corner on the left-hand side, with Rice to deliver. This delivery was perfect considering Chelsea had in goal, Sanchez, the kind of flapper not seen since the heyday of the Prohibition era Cotton Club. The ball duly sailed over said flapper, leaving an unmarked Benny Blanco the simple task of nodding it in. VAR tried and failed to find a reason to cancel it out which seemed wholly around whether Gy\u00f6keres was in an offside position. He was, but clearly this was due to the fact that his marker was grappling with him in the manner of a modern-day Mick McManus, preventing him from regaining his onside position. This ludicrous amount of apparently unnoticed, and certainly unpenalised holding and pushing was to become a feature of the Chelsea performance from set pieces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal took this as their cue to really press Chelsea from the front on goal kicks, which they didn\u2019t like at all.  Napoleon found an opportunity to test Kepa but only managed a gentle back-pass type shot straight at him. A few minutes later, the cockroach in human form that is Cucurella, was pulled out of position to chase Saka back into our final third. Saka laid the ball off and a simple ball down the right released Timber who hit an early cross for Gy\u00f6keres to control, under duress, turn his man and get a shot off, deflected for a corner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Chelsea plan was clearly to overload on the wings and Neto was active on the left, while a mixture of Estevao and Acheampong on the right were beginning to do this as the game reached the mid-point of the first half. Arsenal were resolute though, with Timber and White maintaining fairly central positions until the ball went wide and then inviting Chelsea to either cross or run into the congested box. It largely worked pretty well in the first half, with, from memory, only one occasion when there was any real danger caused, as Estevao cut inside Timber on the left and unleashed an absolute hammer of a shot, well saved at the near post by Kepa. They had overloads on the left a couple of other times but seemed unable to stay onside so the resulting shots were null and void, as well as easily saved. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The considerable away support \u2013 we had pretty much the whole, appropriately named, Shed End \u2013 was on great form, with the stand-out song of the first half being: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Arsenal Boys<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re on a bender*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thomas Frank is a Silver member.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s forgive the almost McGonagle-esque near-rhyme. It was very funny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Chelsea fans were invited by the away support to perhaps consider singing a song and a very generous offer was made by said Gooners to perhaps sing one for them, if they were as bereft of ideas as their club is of class.  This entirely altruistic offer was not taken up by the serenely somnolent home support.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On 36 minutes, Estevao had the ball down our left. The tricky winger was marshalled by both Timber, and the ever defensively alert Trossard. Eventually Estevao tried one trick too many and knocked the ball into touch for an Arsenal goal kick. Like some entitled grandee from a Wodehouse novel, he then tried to appeal to the linesman for some kind of summary justice. But to no avail. Apart from a wholehearted retort from the visiting fans that \u201cHe\u2019s gonna cry in a minute\u201d as the volume of his appeal was matched by the kind of visual exuberance not seen since actors starring in silent movies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the game drew towards half-time, Saliba, of all people, cut in from the left-hand side of the box and hit a fine effort just over the Cotton Club Clown but also over the bar. Chelsea were a little rattled now and Arsenal took advantage by pressing at every opportunity onto their defence and midfield, putting pressure on Sanchez to think, not his forte, which resulted in some turnovers and balls kicked straight into touch. On 43 minutes, and finally after 3 or 4 other attempts, Cucaracha was booked for a foul on Saka.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Half-Time: Chelsea 0 Arsenal 1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both sides came out for the second half with no changes, either to players or in terms of attitude. It was fast and furious. And it didn\u2019t take long for Arsenal to make the breakthrough. Arsenal, in a low block, won the ball back from Neto wide on the right through Saka. He pressed forward attacking the yellow-carded Cockroach, who managed to kick the ball into touch, while emitting the kind of high-pitched yell of pain last seen in Saving Private Ryan, in order to cheat his way to a decision. Neither referee nor linesman bought this chicanery, and the formerly near-death Chelsea man subsequently rose, Lazarus-like, in an attempt to get back, realising Arsenal were going to take a quick throw in.  But too late, as Saka received the ball and cut inside him, waited for the advancing Ben White, galloping forward like Copenhagen at the Battle of Waterloo. White received the ball on the overlap from Saka and banged in a cross. Sanchez was caught in two minds, presumably as to whether to do The Charleston or cut out the cross and managed to do a better impression of the former than the latter, allowing the ball to squirm through for Gy\u00f6keres to tap in from a yard. It visibly lifted Gy\u00f6keres. The away fans, who in fairness had been nothing but supportive throughout, happily unleashed the Gyo\u00f6keres song. Followed swiftly by that beautiful elegy to a manager under the cosh \u201cYou\u2019re getting sacked in the morning.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On 52 minutes, the invisible Guiu was replaced by Garnacho and Acheampong went off for Badiashile. On 56 minutes, Chelsea pulled one back when Zubimendi slipped in midfield, allowing what would ordinarily have been a simple interception to turn onto Chelsea possession. They forced the ball out to their right where Neto crossed well to the back post for new arrival Garnacho to control and hammer into the net. This prompted a 15-minute period of pressure from Chelsea, so fair play to the temporary managerial human shield for the owners that is Rosenior. Chelsea now piled on the pressure, at least in terms of possession and territory if not genuine opportunities and it began to look as though Arteta might need to match the introduction of new energy with fresh players himself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And lo, on 66 minutes Trossard and \u00d8degaard came off for Merino and Martinelli. Completely understandable and in no way an indictment on the performance of the two players leaving the field.  And on 70 minutes, the renewed energy paid dividends when Saka on the right passed inside to Merino. He in turn eschewed the return to Saka and passed on to Gy\u00f6keres who controlled and flicked the ball back to Zubimendi, taking out one Chelsea defender and allowing the Basque to fake and put Fofana on the deck before hammering home past The Flapper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This quietened the locals and indeed started something of a run on the exits. As an aside, in Roman times the exits to large theatres and stadia, such as the Colosseum, were called Vomitoria. Very apt for Stamford Bridge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On 75 minutes, Merino had a great chance as the ball ballooned to him in space 8 yards out. He struck a fierce volley which Sanchez managed to save with his foot, deflecting wide for a corner. I will be kind and state this was a save rather than a spontaneous, reflex dance move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this point, the away support invited the locals to go home as they had seen The Arsenal. #BeKind. Rudely though, some stayed and were rewarded with a second goal from Garnacho, very similar to the first. Irritating but fair enough. They never gave up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Full-Time: Chelsea 2 Arsenal 3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was still an opportunity for Napoleon to try to start trouble at the end but Zubimendi dealt with it laughingly and it rather appeared that Wellington\u2019s maxim from Waterloo regarding his troops that \u201cI don\u2019t know what effect these men will have on the enemy but by God they frighten me\u201d was uppermost in the Argentinian\u2019s tiny mind in his somewhat half-hearted attempt to start a contretemps. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On now to Forest on Saturday, followed by Inter away. A job well done, but only a slender lead for the second leg. Personally, I really don\u2019t care about the second leg as it will be the least important game we face between now and the end of the season.  But it\u2019s always nice to put one over on the Chavs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Bender is a UK-wide colloquial term for a serious night out on the booze, for those from outside the UK.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And so, after a cold, wet but hugely enjoyable trip to Portsmouth, on to the Bus Stop in Fulham. Pretty much everything about this trip was different to the one on Sunday. The weather wasn\u2019t terribly cold, nor was it driving rain, thankfully. The home fans were as objectionable, small-minded and classless as ever. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12656"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12656"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12661,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12656\/revisions\/12661"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}