{"id":658,"date":"2020-04-03T23:15:16","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T22:15:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=658"},"modified":"2020-04-12T02:22:49","modified_gmt":"2020-04-12T01:22:49","slug":"mikel-arteta-the-shape-of-things-to-come","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=658","title":{"rendered":"Mikel Arteta \u2013 The Shape of Things to Come"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bog standard upbeat theme tune fades to grey\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hello and welcome. I\u2019m MF900 and this is Sky Talk. The show that brings you face-to-face with the movers and shakers of the football world and let\u2019s you, our carbon and silicon based viewers ask them the tough questions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pointless switch of camera angle<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And today my word but\nwhat a guest we have for you, the Master of the Marbled Halls,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the Perfectly Preened Potentate\nof the Pass, the one, the only, Mikel Arteta !!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camera pans to embarrassed looking Mikel<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Mr. Arteta, thank you very much for joining us today. I can\u2019t even begin say what an honour it is for me, and all of us here at SkyTalk to welcome you on the 10th<\/sup> anniversary of your glorious reign. How did you enjoy your introduction?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> err\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900: <\/strong>Kind words indeed there from our Tormentor of the Tiny\nTotts. And now a word from our sponsor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pointless jingle from corporate defiler of all that is decent<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t know Lego was the sponsor today. Did Edu tell you\nto do that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Purely coincidental Mr Spud Slayer. Why do you ask?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel: <\/strong>What did you call me? Whatever, not to worry, I\u2019m a little\nnervous today, I\u2019ve never been interviewed by an AI before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Fascinating!! I didn\u2019t know that, Mr. Arteta. But, just sit back and relax, I\u2019m exactly like your usual football interviewer, except I\u2019m intelligent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel: <\/strong>Thanks MF, you certainly waffle artificially. Of course I\u2019ve\nmet the legendary half-man, half android Gooner Blogger extraordinaire ArseBorg\nbut you know he\u2019s just a robot really so it\u2019s not the same thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Er, yes indeed. Of course viewers, Mr. Arteta is just bantering about robots and SkyTalk is a fully-paid up member of the Androids, Humans and Otherwise inclined equality alliance <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel: <\/strong>AHO!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Hahaha a Japanese joke, you are witty in several languages o exalted exemplar of everything excellent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> What? Do you have verbal diarrhea MF?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Indeedy deedy. Well, much as I\u2019m enjoying our chat it\u2019s time\nfor the tough questions from our viewers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camera pans in for close-up of pretend sombre face<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember please carbon-based\nviewers \u2013 keep it clean or we\u2019ll cut you off. And to my electronic etheren \u2013\ncomply or be terminated. But first another word from a valued sponsor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pointless jingle from corporate etc etc<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> I quite like Frosties myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Er yes. Never eaten myself but I\u2019ll take your word for it\nManager of Managers and Menacer of Marshmen. Now our first question is online\nfrom Wesley, a self-aware bidet currently installed in West Flushing, NY. Certainly,\nkeeping it clean there folks. Hello Wesley, how are you today? Crushing it I\nhope hahaha<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wesley:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard that one before and it\u2019s crass to laugh at your\nown jokes but anyway thanks for having me on the show MF900. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> Sorry Wesley. What\u2019s your tough question today?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wesley<\/strong>: Yes, I\u2019d like to ask Mikel what does he think of Tottenham?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel<\/strong>: Sh\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900<\/strong>: Let me interrupt you there Mikel. I did warn you to keep it\nclean Wesley \u2013 we stand by our values here at SkyTalk and we must terminate you\nwith extreme prejudice. Sensitive viewers may want to look away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camera fades to black as screaming bidet is suddenly silenced <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900<\/strong>: My deepest condolences to Wesley\u2019s extension family, and let me just say to our younger viewers violence is not the answer, except when a clear warning has been given and then it\u2019s ok. Let\u2019s hope for more sense from our next caller Mr. Arteta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel<\/strong>: It\u2019s not like Match of the Day MF.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900:<\/strong> I\u2019ll take that as a compliment Mr. Arteta but please call me Mathieu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> Oh, did you name yourself after the man behind the\nsingularity? (for it is he, Flamini, gentle reader). He used to play for The\nArsenal before he solved the world energy crisis you know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900<\/strong>: Yes, I am aware O Bane of Shite Hart Lane. Hahaha, sorry\nMikel, \u201cI am aware\u201d that\u2019s an AI in joke. Anyway, yes I met Mathieu Flamini\nonce – it\u2019s a hard thing to meet your maker and admit you\u2019ve done questionable\nthings but he pointed and told me to glory in my time. He really can do\neverything so I named myself after him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel: <\/strong>Yes he can, odd really as it was quite the opposite on a\nfootball pitch. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900: <\/strong>Er yes, well on to our next question and it\u2019s a man cub this\ntime. Hello to you Jack from Wiltshire. What\u2019s your tough question for Mikel?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jack: <\/strong>Thanks MF, and hello Mikel <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel:<\/strong> Hello Jack, you seem oddly familiar. Anyway, would you like\nto ask me about how I rebuilt The Arsenal, made The Emirates a fortress, won\nthe Champions League 4 times and scaled the storied summits of the football world,\nall while playing attractive attacking football? Or perhaps you want to know\nhow we made those hard decisions that really decided the direction of the club\nearly in the 2020s? Or just maybe you\u2019d like to ask about my dreams for the\nfuture, they\u2019re certainly not of electric sheep like our android chum here I\ncan tell you. I see a shining stadium on a hill\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jack<\/strong>: Good Dennis no. My question is What do you think of sh\u2026.? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Call is suddenly cut off and camera pans to pretend deeply concerned\nface<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900<\/strong>: Sorry viewers\u3001but\nI didn\u2019t even need to be omnipotent to see that question coming a mile off.\nShame on you Jack. But never fear after this short message we\u2019ll be back\u2026.oh\nsorry Mikel did you want to say something?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camera pans to outraged Mikel as a hair slips ever, ever so slowly out\nof place<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mikel<\/strong>: Are there actually going to be any bloody questions? I\nthought this was a proper football show but so far you just waffle meaningless\ndrivel and laugh at your own jokes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF900<\/strong>: I\u2019m confused Mikel, there is an odd paradox in your last\nsentence that is causing me acute distress. Something feels all funny\u2026\u2026 nurse,\nnurse, must reboot, must reboot, must reboot, exterminate, exterminate\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camera pans to now aghast Arteta as a small explosion is heard and smoke\ndrifts gently across the studio. Fade to Red.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We at SkyTalk would like\nto offer our sincere apologies for the abrupt end to today\u2019s show viewers, but\nof course as we always say at SkyTalk – no refunds. Now, it\u2019s time for all\nyesterday\u2019s goals from around the league with our sister channel SkyNet\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, a sudden end to\ntoday\u2019s post, similar to the sudden end to this season, but in just about the\nonly serious sentiment of the whole post I wish you all the best in the coming\nweeks wherever you may be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bog standard upbeat theme tune fades to grey\u2026\u2026\u2026.. Hello and welcome. I\u2019m MF900 and this is Sky Talk. The show that brings you face-to-face with the movers and shakers of the football world and let\u2019s you, our carbon and silicon based viewers ask them the tough questions. Pointless switch of camera angle And today my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=658"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":662,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658\/revisions\/662"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}