{"id":8223,"date":"2023-08-22T00:27:56","date_gmt":"2023-08-21T23:27:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=8223"},"modified":"2023-08-26T05:56:20","modified_gmt":"2023-08-26T04:56:20","slug":"david-coote-earns-his-headline-as-incidentally-some-competent-professionals-play-a-football-match","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=8223","title":{"rendered":"David Coote Earns His Headline (as, incidentally, some competent professionals play a football match)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"getty embed image\" style=\"background-color:#fff;display:inline-block;font-family:Roboto,sans-serif;color:#a7a7a7;font-size:11px;width:100%;max-width:594px;\"><div style=\"padding:0;margin:0;text-align:left;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gettyimages.com\/detail\/1630039969\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;display:inline-block;\" rel=\"noopener\">Embed from Getty Images<\/a><\/div><div style=\"overflow:hidden;position:relative;height:0;padding:66.66667% 0 0 0;width:100%;\"><iframe src=\"\/\/embed.gettyimages.com\/embed\/1630039969?et=I0-Fc3ZZSiFt0jaE1Bpsxw&amp;tld=com&amp;sig=DoF7sakL4oAOp4xC5xMVjQe-p3tspOpp1hdY39n3S58=&amp;caption=true&amp;ver=1\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"594\" height=\"396\" style=\"display:inline-block;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;margin:0;\"><\/iframe><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve been on something of a sabbatical from club football (although I have enjoyed the Women\u2019s World Cup recently) and I was even off-grid last weekend when our beloved Arsenal began the new season. I missed all of the game against Forest, including those agonising last minutes, and only found out the score on Sunday evening, when the jeopardy was long gone. MOTD highlights were all I saw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, tonight\u2019s game against Palace represented something of a return both for The Arsenal and for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In preparation, I warmed up with some Gavi, then polished of the last of yesterday&#8217;s Sancerre, before I pivoted seamlessly towards a pre-game Riesling and a large plate of Irish Lamb Stew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I cracked open a can of beer that seemed more appropriate for the sporting fare on offer, Havertz opened up the space for Gabi at the far post, who could have done much better with the chance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Moments later, we played the ball out wide to Saka, who looked to square up Tyrick Mitchell. On commentary, next to Smudger, Seb Hutchinson set out quite an adversarial commentary style when he summed up the left-back\u2019s chances against our dynamic number 7 with the words \u201cArsenal are looking to stretch the bitch!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I mulled over these fighting sentiments for a few moments before deciding that, on balance, he probably said \u201cpitch.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first half was hard fought. For the aforementioned reason of alcohol, as well as general incompetence, this will not be a tactically astute rundown of the game. Cesc la vie. Or something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We had the better of the chances. Eddie ran through and played Saka in, but it came to nothing. Eddie did very well to get in on goal and hit the post with a Saka-esque left-footed shot. Then Rice flicked him through for a chance that he should have done more with but lobbed over the bar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Saliba chased Ayew as he tried to get in behind and slide tackled him in a move straight out of FIFA (the computer game, not the morally bankrupt sporting body.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On 41 minutes \u00d8degaard hit a shot that the keeper saved. Personally, I thought it was going over but the bloke (or bloke-ess) in charge of the stats chalked it up as our first shot on target. Surprising, as we had been far the better side, but evidently not wrong, and as the half-time whistle blew, we had to be more clinical in the second half.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Five minutes after the restart, we had a penalty. Gabi took a quick freekick and Eddie ran onto it, knocking it past Johnstone, who brought him down. VAR looked at a block from Partey, and I briefly imagined that we were about to be done by the sort of reversal that Manure never face, but somehow the decision stood. I breathed a sigh of relief and reflected that there was still plenty of time for refereeing incompetence to surface. I wish I had been wrong on that front.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was nervous, but when \u00d8degaard took the ball off Saka and placed it down, he was the calmest man on the pitch and stroked it home like it was a Sunday League game, except with less riding on it; absolute nerves of ice. What a player!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At 1-0, the Arsenal crowd began some of the greatest hits, including anything with a Palace connection. We heard the tunes for Vieira and Rocky, as well as Wrighty\u2019s song, which the home faithful declined the opportunity to join in with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>David Coote began his quiet assault on the headlines with a cheeky booking for Tomiyasu. He made it clear from a goal kick that he did not want to see us taking too long over dead balls. The Palace fans contributed, mysteriously on our backs as though we were some sort of slothful Newcastle and they had Erling Haaland up top, being denied a bevy of chances with every second we procrastinated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m a shit Premier League striker.\u201d \u201cAyew?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m a shit Premier League striker.\u201d \u201cDoesn\u2019t Mateta.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI never score any goals.\u201d \u201cMate, it\u2019s not that Edouard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sorry. That bit was mainly for Trev.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also, sorry Trev.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We next got a throw in but after we faffed with it for a while Havertz left it for Tomiyasu, who legitimately tried his best to throw the ball in but had to wait for movement from his team-mates. He held the ball for&nbsp;<strong>eight seconds<\/strong>&nbsp;before he threw it in! Indeed, he had released it by the time that David Coote decided those split seconds were the straw that broke his back and the Japanese had to be punished. (Disclaimer: I am not comparing David Coote to a camel. I have no desire to deal with that volume of dromedariac letters of complaint. Let alone the Bactrians, well known for having twice the humps.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few minutes later and Tomiyasu gave the briefest of grips to Ayew\u2019s shirt, letting it go long before it was an offence as he was mindful that he didn\u2019t want a second yellow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, the star of the show, David Coote, decided to let out his inner Mike Dean (warning: NEVER do this) and send off our defender for this heinous transgression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In seriousness, the first one is soft, but fair enough in a team context. If we cycled each player to hold the ball for ten seconds before passing it on to the next bloke, then we could take two minutes over each throw in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, the second yellow is ridiculously soft as a standalone card, and it is utterly inexcusable as a second yellow. Perhaps David Coote was keen to send off a player whose first booking was for timewasting, just to show how serious refs are gonna be about timewasting offences. I would write that \u2018perhaps he is just a woefully poor official\u2019 but, of course he is a woefully poor official. He works for a body that specialises in churning them out and rewards them for being so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To be clear: Tomiyasu does nothing even close to being worthy of a red card. That would be true of any Palace player sent off for the same offences, or anyone in an even more objectionable jersey. It is just awful game management from the referee, to say nothing of the multiple inconsistencies we will all see every week when players are not booked for the same amount of timewasting or receive no sanction for challenges far more worthy of a yellow than Tomi\u2019s second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Make no mistake, this decision changed the momentum and dynamic of the match in the way that red cards do, and there is simply no sporting justification for it. The fact that we held on for three points was all that kept this disgraceful performance from the ref being something we looked back on for months, instead of something angry Arsenal bloggers grumbled about for a couple of days and then got on with our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The rest of the game was shit. Palace had all the ball but could not score. Gabriel came on and brought some more steel \u2013 he was clearly up for the fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Jorginho came on and, whilst I am sure he was up for the fight, he also could not be remotely arsed to fight a side miles behind us in quality and decided instead to shut the game down and keep the ball. Good lad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mitchell took a swipe at a ball that dropped in the area, but it went miles over. The pitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>David Coote gave seven minutes of injury time (fair enough on that front) before finally blowing up. I mean this in the sense that he blew his whistle, not that his incompetence and Dean-inspired shoehorning himself into centre stage led him, like some sort of tragicomic Dickensian figure, to spontaneously combust. I would not wish that on anyone. But, like Dickens did until the end, I shall maintain that it might happen one day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After the match, I saw an interview with the immense Declan Rice, who is growing into our side every week, as he did well to keep his head above water as the various Sky employees rained down their saliva-heavy inanities on him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Arteta spoke well, and dodged any whiff of pointing out what a cunt the ref was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Roy Hodgson was as classy as ever, spoke well of his side and the game, and, whilst saying nothing to jeopardise his side\u2019s ongoing fortunes, also avoided saying anything that would cast any doubt on what a cunt the ref was. Good man!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We got three lovely points and we can forget all about this one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am on my fourth beer, I\u2019m already working on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Until next time \u2018holics, have a good one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Embed from Getty Images I\u2019ve been on something of a sabbatical from club football (although I have enjoyed the Women\u2019s World Cup recently) and I was even off-grid last weekend when our beloved Arsenal began the new season. I missed all of the game against Forest, including those agonising last minutes, and only found out [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8223"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8223"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8223\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8238,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8223\/revisions\/8238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8223"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8223"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8223"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}