{"id":8627,"date":"2023-10-28T20:53:20","date_gmt":"2023-10-28T19:53:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=8627"},"modified":"2023-11-01T05:47:17","modified_gmt":"2023-11-01T05:47:17","slug":"hecking-hell-bottom-side-cut-to-pieces-by-nketiah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/?p=8627","title":{"rendered":"Hecking Hell! Bottom side cut to pieces by Nketiah!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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A prestigious gathering of Holics at our spiritual home in Stroud Green Road was a pleasant preamble to a pleasant amble as Arsenal put a pitiful Sheffield United to the sword – or should it be Blade? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eddie Nketiah was assassin in chief with his first hat trick for our senior side and we were able to work on our goal difference in a second half extended by ten minutes by a combination of several tedious VAR delays and a couple of physio treatments for Gabriel Martinelli – who was kicked to pieces by a thuggish right back called Bogle who might have received five or six yellow cards. When Bogle eventually got a yellow card in the second half he was immediately subbed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems that you can\u2019t score from a corner nowadays unless it\u2019s checked to determine whether you have fouled the keeper, fouled a defender, handled the ball or perhaps even, broken wind in the penalty area. Two of our goals were checked before being allowed, a crude challenge by Trusty (once of this parish, sort of, and poorly named on this evidence) was given the all clear and the referee, Tim Robinson, was called to the monitor to award a penalty that was clearly a foul (he had given nothing) but may have been outside the area – it was clearly inside!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arteta had rung the changes with our guesses in the preview  at the starting eleven being a little bit wide of the mark. Kiwior replaced Gabriel at centre back, Smith Rowe came in for \u00d8degaard and Havertz was nominally a left 8 but played as a right 8. Arteta really likes inversion but they can\u2019t touch you for it! Our front three was as expected by most and Bukayo was given the captain\u2019s armband. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a bigger mystery than the Murder on the Orient Express how the Blades recently entered injury time at the Toilet Bowl ahead of a Tottnumb side that are clearly the finest team that have ever graced the Premier League. I don\u2019t know if David Raya smokes but he could have enjoyed a crafty Castella or two this afternoon so little employed was he.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will gloss over the first twenty five minutes of the game because the teams did! Almost nothing happened except Bogle kicked Gabi M a lot. Then after a break to administer first aid to the ailing Gabi in which the teams were able to take on water to combat the searing heat in North London this afternoon, we scored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can exclusively reveal what Arteta said during the break <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThees muchachos are seriously crap. Why not try passing to Eddie in the box?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few moments later Declan Rice did just that. Eddie showed a silky touch and turn in the box to evade his defender and slid the ball home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal 1 Blades 0 – Nketiah 25 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rest of the half took on the shape of games I used to play at the age of seven when we would put all the good players in one team and all the less talented in another and basically batter the life out of them. I was a nice kid. We failed to score again before the interval <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Half Time: Arsenal 1 Blades 0 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second half was an example of why it can be a mistake to promote teams from the Championship into the Premier League and expect them to compete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul Heckingbottom, the harassed Sheffield coach (has any Yorkshiremen ever had a more fitting name?), watched as Arsenal took the handbrake off and thrashed them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wes Foderingham (another piece of perfect naming) pawed at a Saka corner and the ball fell to Nketiah who lashed it home. Game over although in fairness this game was over much earlier! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal 2 Blades 0 – Nketiah 50<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was the most exciting moment of the match. Emile Smith Rowe  slid a short pass to Eddie who had enough space and time to swivel and blast a shot past Foderingham\u2019s right hand . Superb goal and a lovely celebration in the corner as Bukayo handed Eddie his first Premier League matchball. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal 3 Blades 0 – Nketiah 55<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We then started the VAR shambles in earnest and the second shout saw Oliver Norwood commit a foul on the excellent Vieira who had come on in place of Smith Rowe. Bogle had gone by this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After an interminable delay during which the VAR pondered then the referee himself pondered, the penalty was awarded and Fabio Vieira was given the kick which he placed emphatically to the goalkeeper\u2019s left. (I can\u2019t be bothered to keep writing Foderingham -oops!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal 4 Blades 0 – Vieira penalty, 86 mins <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We then had a special moment – the first Arsenal goal for Tomiyasu. He hit home after substitute Elneny had flicked on a corner. His huge grin was wonderful to behold!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arsenal 5 Blades 0 – Tomayisu 99 mins <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Final score: Arsenal 5 Blades 0 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

If I may borrow a technique from Mike McDonald to sum up\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Positives<\/strong> from the game for us <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– A fine Nketiah hat-trick. He worked very hard all game and has a predatory instinct which Jes\u00fas hasn\u2019t to the same degree <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– We managed to rotate very effectively. All five subs – Nelson, Tomi, Elneny, Trossard and Vieira came on to relieve key players and we still coasted through the game. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Declan Rice was superb again. I can\u2019t remember a better signing for a very long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Raya kicked very well which is difficult with a cigar on! He didn\u2019t have any shots to save. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Negatives<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

– I  just don\u2019t get Havertz. One of the most ineffectual players I can remember. He is paid more than Rice and Saka and Saliba. Words fail me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– It rained as I went for the tube it always does nowadays!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

In conclusion, a nice day and a very stress free match\u2026.unless you are Paul Heckingbottom!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A prestigious gathering of Holics at our spiritual home in Stroud Green Road was a pleasant preamble to a pleasant amble as Arsenal put a pitiful Sheffield United to the sword – or should it be Blade?  Eddie Nketiah was assassin in chief with his first hat trick for our senior side and we were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8627"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8627"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8636,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8627\/revisions\/8636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goonerholicsforever.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}