And so to St James’ Park.
Fourth place is still in our hands, if barely, after Thursday’s fiasco and Burnley’s VAR-assisted Sunday lunchtime defeat at the Armitage Shanks. With the neighbours’ remaining game being at Norwich, we need, as the Chinese say, a win-win situation,
Our renascent Monday evening hosts will be keen to sign off their final home game in style after reality-check defeats by ‘Pool and Citeh. We have no choice but to ruin the party by leaving with all three points.
Our first visit to the second-oldest ground in the Premiership was inauspicious. On September 30 1893, we were trounced 6-0, a defeat of even greater magnitude than predicted by Newcastle’s captain William Graham after the reverse fixture 28 days earlier — our historic first match in the Football League, as Woolwich Arsenal and at the Manor Field (not yet Ground) in Plumstead.
After the 2-2 home draw — Graham claimed Arsenal’s second goal should not have stood because of offside; plus ça change — the Geordies’ skipper had fancied that, once back up North, his team would ‘prove at least four goals [Woolwich Arsenal’s] superior’. And so they did, thanks to interlaced hat-tricks by Willie Thompson and Joe Wallace.
Our record in Gallowgate is considerably better of late, one defeat in nine visits since the infamous 4-4 draw in 2011. In those nine games, we conceded only three goals. We have not given up a goal to Newcastle anywhere since 2018 and only four since the unforgettable 7-3 win at the Emirates in 2012 when Mikel Arteta anchored a midfield of Santi Cazorla, Jack Wilshere and the Ox.
I watched that game in a New York bar. By the end the Geordies were singing, Take your shoe off if you support the ‘Toon, while standing on one leg and waving the shoe from the other in the air. It must have been a cultural thing, or the beer.
The opposition
It had looked at one point this season as if our visit to St James’ might be the game that consigned Newcastle to relegation. The arrival of Eddie Howe and Saudi owners and their cash nullified that prospect.
Howe has hauled the Magpies up from bottom three to mid-table safety. Spending £85m on five players in the January transfer window helped, although the most important of those arrivals, Kieren Trippier from Atletico Madrid, was almost immediately sidelined by injury.
The Amersham Ancelotti has bought organisation, purpose and team spirit on the field, while the new owners appear to have done the same off the pitch. That must be a confusing experience for the fans of a club previously owned by Mike Ashley.
Success on the field has washed away, if not cleansed, accusations of sports washing by the new ownership. Newcastle’s choice of green and white — the Saudi national colours — for their away kit next season may be premature.
A further sartorial footnote: Newcastle originally played in red, the colours of their antecedent club, Newcastle East End. As it happened, they played the Plumstead game in 1893 in their reserve team’s black and white striped shirts because of the colour clash. They adopted what would become their iconic first-team shirt as their own the following season.
Howe’s Magpies will probably set up in the 4-3-3 he favours at home against sides that can be expected not to park the bus. With Jonjo Shelvey and Joe Willock, formerly of this parish, out injured for the rest of the season. Howe will likely field Sean Longstaff in midfield alongside Bruno Guimarães and Joelinton to feed the mercurial but potentially dangerous Almirón and Saint-Maximin ahead of them out wide. Either the muscular Chris Wood or the more athletic Calum Wilson will be the spearhead.
At the back, Trippier, who, like Wilson, returned from a lengthy injury by coming on as a second-half substitute against Manchester City, will, if, judged fit enough to start, replace Emil Krafth at right back to complete a back four of Matt Targett, Dan Burn and club captain Jamaal Lascelles or Fabian Schlar. The dependable Martin Dubravka should be between the sticks.
Issac Hayden, also formerly of this parish, is a long-term absentee following knee surgery in January.
The Arsenal
The task is straightforward: win. Then wash, rinse and repeat against the Toffees.
With KT3 and Thomas Partey out for the season and Capitola Rob suspended for his two yellows, we look threadbare at the back, the more so if either or both of Gabriel and Ben White are unavailable. We won’t know until the team sheet is announced.
Arteta spurned two opportunities to bring on White on Thursday, first when Holding was sent off and then when our Brazilian centre back limped off with a quarter of an hour to go. Prudence, or an indication of persisting injury? Arteta’s subsequent comments suggest the later.
Saka is also a doubt, and he looks cream crackered. He has played more minutes than anyone else in the squad.
Assuming the walking wounded can be patched up to play, I would hope Arteta could send out:
Ramsdale
Tomiyasu, White, Gabriel, Cedric
Elneny, Xhaka
Saka, Ødergaard, Martinelli
Nketiah
Bench: Leno, Lokonga, Smith Rowe, Tavares, Pepe, Lacazette and some youngsters permed from Marcelo Flores, Charlie Patino, Salah-Eddine, Zak Swanson and Jonathan Dinzeyi, the set that trained with the first-team ahead of the game.
If Gabriel is gone in the fetlock, Plan B would be for Tomi to move to centre back, where he has played for Japan, alongside Ben White, with Tavares on the left and Cedric on the right (up against Saint-Maximin; what could go wrong?). ESR would come in for Saka, if necessary.
If both first-choice centre backs are unavailable, Plan C might be to play Tomi and Xhaka at the back — I can’t see Dinzeyi or Swanson starting a game of this consequence — flanked by Cedric and Tavares, with Lokoneny as the double six. Yikes!
This game will test Arteta’s vaunted powers of inspiration, pre-game preparation and in-game management as much as his young team’s quality, intensity, and discipline.
Will St Totteringham’s Day arrive after an absence of six years, bringing additional blessings this year? I still hold the faith, just as the team holds its fate in its hands. The footballing gods can be cruel.
The ‘holics pound
The biscuits have us narrow odds-on favourites. There is not much value in the score betting until a 3-0 or 3-1 away win, both available at around 16s. My instinct is for a narrower and nervy win.
Courage, mes braves, near and far.