– noun: a curved instrument used for easing one’s heel into a shoe
– verb: force into an inadequate space
Tomorrow evening will see us welcome Crystal Place to The Arsenal in the quarter finals of the Carabao Cup. Seem familiar? It is of course just like last year – we won that won 3-2 with a returning Gabriel Jesus notching a hat-trick to see us through. The draw for the semi-finals has already taken place and so we know the winner will advance into the semi-finals to play Chelsea over two legs in January and February of next year. An unwanted distraction or an opportunity for a trophy? This has been an annual debate across the Goonerverse over the last few seasons. Happily, I will do us all the favour of not rehashing the various arguments for and against, I think we all know them by now, and just leave it to you to make up your own mind.
However, turning to this particular game, there has already been a lot of noise about it being shoehorned into the busy schedules of both clubs. It should have been played last week but was delayed as Palace are in the Conference League too – their cup runneth over!! In fact, my headline is just a smidge misleading in this case as there was no conundrum in the minds of powers that be……the Conference League is officially the more prestigious of these two great competitions. I don’t know about anyone else but I for one am glad that we got that one cleared up as I could find absolutely nothing between them in my own analysis. Cynicism aside, the situation is what it is and, personally, I take the somewhat obvious position of preferring The Arsenal to win than to lose, and I am fairly sure Mikel will have a similar attitude, regardless of the XI he finally selects. Although, if, in his pre-match interview he confides to an astonished interviewer that “Honestly guvnor, I couldn’t really give a monkey’s one way or the other about the result tonight and I just picked the team out of Georgie Graham’s circa 1993 magic hat”, then I will stand corrected.
Our Carabao XI
In terms of our XI, I think we all expect a much-changed side. A hard-fought victory at Everton, and next up Brighton and Villa at home in quick succession in games which will certainly have priority in the minds of both the club and most supporters. But, who then? Well, given Jesùs’s last two performances against Palace (he followed up his hat-trick last year with a brace in the league game a few days later) it must surely be written in the starlight and every line on Mikel’s palm that his should be the first name on the team sheet. For the rest, Kepa in goal plus all the ones I don’t think will start against Brighton or Villa is pretty much the basis for my selection. Except for the centre backs where we have an actual Carabao conundrum – we would probably prefer to rest Timber, Saliba, Hincapié and Calafiori but which ones will start because needs must when the stupid football authority devil drives? My own thought is that Hincapié starts simply because Gabriel is back soon, Calafiori doesn’t start because MLS is available, Saliba or Timber? I think one has to start unless MA is going to play both Nicholls and Salmon on the right-hand side of defence. That youth alternative would be very bold but I doubt MA will go that far.
Another viable option already taken is Nørgaard, or, thinking within the squad, then I suppose Rice, or even Mr Useful, Mikel Merino. I have ruled out Declan as even though he seems like an Energizer bunny he really isn’t and anyway even that bunny conks out eventually – they just didn’t show it on the TV as obviously the kids wouldn’t like a cute little bunny doing a ligament in front of their blessed little eyes, would they? My own view is that Saliba starts as Nørgaard is needed more elsewhere and Saliba, grizzled veteran that he now is, can guide one of the youngsters through. Not a particularly original line of reasoning I will own but it’s all I’ve got. I imagine that about seven or eight may even be right on the night.
Kepa
Salmon Saliba Hincapié MLS
Nørgaard Nwaneri Eze
Madueke Jesùs Martinelli
The Opposition
Crystal Palace have been having a fairly mixed season so far; eye-catching results followed by disappointing defeats in the Premier League see them currently sitting in 8th place after their encouraging whacking at Leeds. I saw the Leeds highlights and they looked poor at set pieces – the encouraging part – but then again, I did watch them last weekend as they impressively outplayed Man City for the first 35 minutes and spurned several presentable chances. Haaland inevitably punished such wastefulness and instead of being two or three goals to the good they somehow went in one-nil down. A look at their record this season tells the same story – whilst Mateta and Sarr (off at AFCON) have good reputations, and are certainly dangerous forwards on their day, they are not prolific. We contained them fairly comfortably at home in a 1-0 win this October, but they did until just recently have a solid defence – it was second only to ours until they suddenly shipped seven in two games.
Of course, who will actually start for them is, just like us, another question entirely – Glasner has selected reasonably strong sides in the Carabao so far but also left out three or four regulars in previous rounds. Last week’s fake CL game against KUPS however saw Glasner send for the kids and it was a very young outfit that eventually fell 2-1 behind at home to a team that I have never heard of (they play in the Veikkausliga in Finland, I learned) and hadn’t scored an away goal in the competition until then. KUPS must have liked the feeling as they scored another soon after. Glasner was at this point forced to send for the calvary to try for the highly-desired top 8 place. Alas, they could only salvage a 2-2 draw and, what I am sure must be an unwelcome place in the two-leg Conference League play-offs in February. Glasner gambled and lost, though to be fair he has gambled and won a few times and so I am sure his credit is still good at the Crystal Palace bank.
However, the fact remains they are stretched thin and will certainly have to stretch further and thinner in the months to come. Given their decent league placing, will Glasner really go full out for this one? A surprise real CL place might well be up for grabs this season, but most probably he will hedge, leave a few on the bench and play a fairly strong XI again. I don’t much care who he picks to be honest – I don’t mean that unkindly (for a change!), it’s just that they have a lot of solid Premier League standard players so unless Glasner picks the kids again it won’t make much difference. It would be nice to see Eddie I suppose – don’t score this time mind Eddie.
Reading the tea leaves
Time to bring this longer than usual waffle to the sharp end of the forecasting business. As mentioned above we have already rolled Palace over at home once this season and I can see no reason why we shouldn’t do so again. In fact, we have won seven and drawn one of our last eight games against them and that’s the sort of record that gives a man confidence when a half-chance presents itself on a cold December evening. Certainly, we may not have as strong a team as usual but then it is likely that they won’t either. Eberechi Eze proved the difference last time we played and, as mentioned, Gabi J proved it twice in quick succession last season. Add to that the fact that the Arsenal Women rolled over Palace 2-0 this weekend in the Some Sort of Bad Food Cup quarter-finals and you would have to have got an E in tasseography not to see the writing at the bottom of the cup. Yes, it’s a goal each for Gabi J and Eberechi and a 2-0 win to send our Gooner faithful home happy. A word of caution – it is my sacred duty as a responsible correspondent to remind readers at this point that gambling based on tea leaves is a mug’s game.
It only remains then to wish one and all a grand evening / early morning and a successful Arsenal performance to fill us all with the Christmas cheer of our choice!
Merry Xmas to all my fellow Goonerholics everywhere!!
Excellent, OM, and on short turnaround, too. Bravo!
I had my ear cupped to your advice on gambling.
Your team seems likely, and I’d take a 2-0 in a heartbeat.
Bath@previous drinks: Thanks for the link. Mike is very sound on Gyökeres.
Great stuff Matt. I agree with almost everything you have written (which is, of course completely unrelated to the assessment in my previous sentence). My one minor disagreement is “tasseography”. Tasseography? Really?? Tasseosophy, surely?
COYG
Sadly Pangloss, you are mistaken – Divination of the future from tea leaves is indeed correctly termed tasseography as suggested by our excellent previewer though there are synonyms: tasseomancy, tassology or tasseology. But there is no such thing as tasseosophy.
Surely we should know tonkeep to the tassk at hand? Thanks Matt for the wise words.
I stand (sit, lie and fall over) corrected.
The Oxford English Dictionary does not have an entry for tasseo-anything. Just sayin’…
Ah, Ned @6, that’s because the English now either use tea bags or filter the tea through a sieve. I thought you would have been a Merriam-Webster man!
Nice preview Matt as the games come thick and fast and you still are able to educate us about divining the future . Sometimes we discuss football on here as well!
I agree your team and my many Palace friends suggest this season has stretched them like no other . It’s a chance to rotate extensively and I think we will repeat the result we got in the league .
Well, at least it must be time for this song
OK, chaps, Battenberg and Earl Grey down. Tea break over. Time to head off to the tab that will reveal the secrets of Matchweek 17 in the GHF Predictathon. Who soared eight places? Which two players fell six? Who’s slipped below the salt? You know where to find it…
Bath@7: No tasseo-anything in Mirriam-Webster, either! However, ‘tasseography’ turns up in the London Evening News of Thursday, March 20, 1969, in a review of a book entitled Psychic Sciences by Walter and Litzka Gibson (Corgi Books, 7s 6d), so I will acknowledge it has some provenance even if it hasn’t yet troubled the lexicographers.
Nice preview, OM. 21CG and I will be there tonight. One of those rare games where I’m really not concerned with the result, if truth be told. At the same time, we don’t want to take a hammering so I can see Mikel playing a hybrid team rather than going all in on reserves or indeed first team.
Regarding divination by tea leaves, Grok AI tells me it’s tasseography or tasseomancy. However the sources it quotes are few and unreliable at best. Twinings.com? Wikipedia? Hmm…
An encouraging word from Adam Clery:
Thanks all, it seems we’ll just have to
take my word for it 🫖
Enjoy the game CER and 21CG,
hopefully it’s a thrilling 4-3 win to warm
the hands and heart
Good fun read, Matt 👍🏻👍🏻
Trev (sorry to employ the third person) considers tasseography – leaves it out 🤷♂️
A fun, high scoring win would make a nice change but beggars, especially injured ones, can’t be choosers. Babi Jesus to score will make my evening. Can’t wait to see a bit of his saucery 😉
Babi Jesus would be very festive but I have to own up – it was a typo. Gabi Jesus – of course.
Tea time over you say Ned? You say Oo I say long.
There was a young man from Darjeeling
Who got on a bus down in Ealing
It said on the door
Don’t spit on the floor
So he stood up spat on the ceiling.
Stood up and…….
Before someone says it doesn’t scan again …. 🤷♂️
CER@13: Forget the intergoogle-regurgitating AI for this sort of thing. You need to go old school: monks and the printed word.
Trev@16: Puntastic, both the intended and the accidental one!
The US slang for tea-leaf reading in the 1920s and 30s, when it had a moment, was cup tossing, which must give you scope for something.
bt8@18: You say ‘herbal’, I say ‘no thanks’.
There was a young boy from Assam
Who threw all his toys out the pram
That’s never the way to divine tea
Do you even understand tasse-oggraphee.?
Or are you as thick as West Ham?
@21 I wish I’d read cup tossing before I tried to make tasseograhpy rhyme Ned 😂😂
It would have been much easier…
Still, all in all it’s good to be on a blog that’s adult and yet still rated PG
I bow to the marvels that are Ned and OM. The only limerick I remember has a first line ending with Darjeeling, and last line ending in ceiling, but took a rather more scatological direction.
And thanks both for the superb musical interludes. Inspired.
Perfectly brewed preview Matt! Exactly the amount of seriousness deserved and not a tea-spoon more. Thank you!
I like your team, and would be the one I would go with. However, Mikel may feel tempted to start Timber on the right.
Trev@19 — GPT 5.2, appropriately prompted, helps me to respond with:
“ There once was an old man from Ealing,
Who traveled to Darjeeling for tea-ing.
But he sipped too much rum,
Till the teacups looked glum,
And he woke with a wobble—and reeling. “
Looking forward to the dynamic trio of Martinelli-Jesus-Madueke, backed by the effervescent Eze, causing Palace defence enough trouble to come up with a 3-0 home win.
Come on Arsenal!
Team news
Not happy to see Timber there. Happy with the rest.
Arrizabalaga
Timber, Saliba, Calafiori, Lewis-Skelly
Norgaard, Merino, Eze
Madueke, Martinelli, Jesus
Bench: Raya, Saka, Odegaard, Gyokeres, Trossard, Nwaneri, Zubimendi, Rice, Salmon.
Eight changes from Everton but still a pretty strong team.
As a starting XI, that team could easily hold its own in the top half of the PL.
Only Saliba a nailed on starter.
Would have liked to see Nwaneri start but it’s strong team
Here we go.
COYG!
Stronger starting team than I expected from Palace but whatever.
COYGS!!
We are so dominant – just lacking the clinical finish
Never in doubt. It was written in the tea leaves.
We were clearly saving the clinical finishing for the shoot-out, C100. Eight pretty damn fine penalties.
Hey ho!
Two more games to play in January and February.
Que sera, sera!
And, hopefully, a third in March.
Boy do we need Gabriel
We are not good at preserving leads without him !
Alls well that ends well and all that
Watched as-live starting when herself went to bed. Just finished.
Phew!
Note to self: Try to get Oxonne to retire earlier.
COYG
Yeah, it was all a bit nerve jangly at the end there.
Should have finished it off in the first half really
>>>>>>>