And so to Germany, to Cologne, where I and many of those lucky enough to get tickets for the game based themselves. Formerly the capital of the Roman province of Germania Inferior, or Lower Germania, it was originally an “Oppidum” – a relatively small garrison town – and represented a visible Roman military presence on the northern border of the Empire, formed by the Rhine. The Germanic tribes north of the Rhine largely refused to accept the benefits of Roman rule and this would have been a tough posting. It is easy to imagine legionaries standing on duty, looking out over the walls and the Rhine with a considerable sense of foreboding at what would then have been dense forests. It was not too far north east of here that the three legions commanded by Emperor Augustus’ general, Varus, were cut to pieces in 9 A.D. by the treacherous Arminius and his Teuton alliance, causing Augustus, we are told, to exclaim: “Publius Quinctilius Varus, give me back my legions!”. You can see where I am going with this – Leverkusen is a short distance across the Rhine. Would Arteta become a modern-day Varus or would he, like Maximus Decimus Meridius slay the Teutonic hordes?
I arrived on Monday morning. A result, quite honestly, of taking a punt on the location of the game when it looked like Leverkusen or Dortmund would go through. Fortuna iuvat fortes. Ah well, as I was taught at school; to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and lateness is unforgivable. Such a well-mannered boy. My only prior exposure to Germany had been Munich, including several most enjoyable visits to Oktoberfest. I was keen to experience a different German city.
Cologne is a compact city with everything you want is in walking distance. The train from the airport takes 20 minutes and drops you off at the central station, right next to the stunning cathedral. The journey is cheap, the trains clean and efficient. British Rail, in any if its incarnations past or present, it is not. There weren’t many fans around in town which made for an opportunity to do some sightseeing. The cathedral is not to be missed. Then down to the old town for a couple of pre-dinner Kölsches. The square is lovely, especially as it was shirt-sleeves weather, as opposed to the thick fog we had left behind at Stansted. Then to Leverkusen to pick up the ticket and back to Cologne for some schnitzel, beer in an F.C. Köln bar and a good laugh at them lot on the box. A day well spent.
We were provided with free return travel from Cologne to Leverkusen with the ticket. The police presence was significant but light touch. Into the ground early and the opportunity not only to buy beer but to take it into the stands. It was almost as though we were being treated like grown ups. The team came out and was pretty much as expected. The game started and we pressed forward. It was clear though, that Leverkusen were not here to be simply bystanders and they sought to break quickly and brightly. We were equally bright but, playing away from home, had little real penetration. And then in the 20th minute an excellent move, patiently built, resulted in a clever dummy from Eze enabling Gyokeres to feed Martinelli in the 6 yard line, who leathered a shot past the keeper but into the bar and away. By far the best chance of the first half. It was evident from my seat in the gods that Leverkusen were using a very clever triple mark on both Saka and Martinelli whenever they got the ball. This neutralised both wingers’ effectiveness. It was, however, aided by the fact that we got the ball out to them so slowly that my neighbour likened the speed with which we moved it to that at which 90 year-olds do rude things. Not an inaccurate observation. From my knowledge of the speed at which we moved the ball, you understand. The first half ticked down and that was that.
Oranges.
The second half started with Leverkusen kicking off. They wasted no time in taking the game to us, creating an effort on targeting the first minute, probably going over but saved by Raya anyway, leading to a corner. From the resulting finer, Eze weakly allowed himself to be baulked and Andrich – who might already have been sent off for multiple fouls in the first half – rose unchecked at the back post and headed home. We had been Arsenalled.
Arsenal reacted. And continued to press. Unfortunately as noted above, largely with the urgency of nonagenarian naughties. The ineffective Saka was replaced on 60 with Madueke. Immediately we began to get to the byline and get crosses and cutbacks in. Not necessarily because of the substitution so much as that we were now getting the ball forward and wide far quicker. On 84, Timber met a cross from Martinelli, who having received the ball early, skinned his full back and put a cross in, only for the right back to get under it. Time was runnning out and, while having more possession, we ghastly done very little with it, with the horseshoe of ennui much the theme of the day.
A couple of minutes later, and with the ball being pushed out to Madueke quickly so that he only had two opponents to deal with, he jinked inside and apparently was fouled by the careless full back. Inside the ground it was an obvious penalty, deserving of a red card. Tv replays showed the contact to be of match 50 Rooneyesque levels. Havertz, on from 74 for Gyokeres, who did some good stuff while yet again being deprived of early service, stepped forward to take the pen. Despite the stuttering run up, he managed to put it past their keeper. The away crowd, who had been noisy all night, went wild.
Full time. Really hard work. Ameliorated by the fact that Chelsea lost at PSG and C130y were battered away at Real. All’s well that ends well. But it workdays be nice if we entertained a bit more. This season feels like a real grind.
A couple of words for the box office at the club. Inspired by C100, I have been trying to get to as many away games as possible over the last couple of years. Of course, everyone else has had the same idea so away tickets are very much like hen’s teeth. This one went down to my level of credits and I managed to secure a ticket. That I did was down to the top efforts of the box office staff after I was let down by the ticketing system online. The ticketing system is much maligned, and for good reason. The box office though sorted out my issue and went beyond the call of duty to ensure I managed to get a ticket. Credit where it’s due. I’m very grateful. Also the ticket collection in Leverkusen on Tuesday was very easy, well staffed and quick. Nice work, guys.
Fabulous stuff CER. Sounds like you had a great time!
The penalty was a bit soft but it wasn’t a dive, nowhere near Rooney-esque flat-out cheating. Apart from that point, I agree with how you saw the game.
I guess we just take the draw, focus on Everton, and then put in a better home performance in the return leg. It could have been much worse and its all to play for.
Thanks CER, glad you enjoyed Cologne. It was one of my favourite cities in Germany with the cathedral, the square and the walk along the river and it’s nice to hear it’s still a good place to visit.
The match was pretty much as you say, best forgotten and on to Everton we go. Then stuff Leverkusen in the return.
Thanks for a fine report of what sounds like an excellent trip if we ignore the football. We weren’t terrible: we should have led at half time; we should have come out for the second half with our heads screwed on and our brains in gear; our engine room should have moved more swiftly after a week of R&R; Saka was remarkably ineffectual; but, between them, Noni and the posturing whistler gave us a get out of jail card.
We will be better next week. We have to be.
Just beat the Toffees in the meantime.
A very atmospheric and enjoyable read, CER which reflected very accurately the game I saw from my settee, including first and follow-up impressions of the penalty incident but absent the nonagenarian coupling imagery (the latter possibly a good thing?).
Our games have become something of a difficult watch and this one was no exception. There have been times in days gone down when we’ve played more elegantly, skilfully and entertainingly and have returned home as gallant losers. In that regard this current version of our play will all fade into the depths of dark memory if it results in silverware at season’s end.
Win on Saturday and then take care of Leverkusen next week, Arsenal.
Bravo CER. Your best report for this forum, full of colour and imagery. I’m so glad you had a great three days, treading in the steps of Roman ancestors.
A draw away is by no means a bad result in a two legged tie. I imagine it lifted the spirits as you all poured onto the trains back Cologne and Düsseldorf.
The setbacks received by other Premier League teams are food for thought. City, Liverpool, Chelsea and the hapless Spurs all lost. Newcastle drew but have to go to the Nou Camp and win. We’re in with the best chance of progressing. Leverkusen have a very good record at home. Saka was triple teamed and it stifled him. We have to play quicker.
The majority of our games now are at home, having endured a long run of aways. Let’s make that home advantage count.
CER
What a great report with elements of ancient history, geography and geriatric coupling thrown in . I’m approaching ninety quicker than most on here and any sort of performance at any speed will suffice for me .
You also describe the game very well particularly the Leverkusen tactics and their plan to stifle Saka. Bukayo is just not the same player this season . While he has put up some reasonable numbers he is double and triple teamed in most games and looks to me to me much less dynamic than he was . I suspect the years of being overplayed and kicked to bits are already taking their toll.
Madueke’s arrival woke us up and it did look as if he was fouled.GSD describes it well. He certainly didn’t dive but he was moving at a lick and was knocked off balance . All of our usual suspects for spot- kicks had gone but Kai did a fine job.
It might be reckless but as we seem to have become a team that take much more risk near our goal than near the opponent’s one, could we try Max Dowman because he has no fear and he’s brilliant. Madueke took defenders on whenever he got the ball. I think Max would be a sensation and might be the missing ingredient that ignites our attack .
Safe journey home CER !
Adam Keys with some wise words
https://x.com/adamkeys_/status/2032011215740735714?s=61&t=cVFjCyGkt4y-Ne45LtfqkQ
A most enjoyable read with a built-in classical history lesson, CER. What’s not to enjoy? I’ve not visited Cologne in many years, but I remember it as a compact and friendly city. Glad to read you had a delightful time and managed to fit in a kölsch or two.
We broadly saw the same game. I thought Eze was more deliberately fouled during the corner from which they scored than you did, but you are right that Andrich should have been given the second yellow that would have had him off the pitch well before then. I also lean towards GSD’s views of the foul on Madueke that led to the penalty. Otherwise, you are spot on about how Bayer’s tactics slowed us down, negating our potency — which is as close to your nonagenarian imagery as I am prepared to go.
Interesting. Spurs delaying deadline for season ticket renewal until they know what Division they’ll be in.
https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7111109/2026/03/12/tottenham-season-ticket-renewals-relegation/
Thanks for an enjoyable on the spot account, CER.
The game was, in the words of another Roman Emporer, Gluteus Maximus, a bummer.
It was another difficult night for Saka and Martinelli – both being either fouled or forced to go backwards over and over again. That was partly due to the double and triple teaming on the marking but even more so because we take so so long to get the ball moving. When it does eventually go out to either wing it is almost always into feet and they have nowhere to fo without inevitably losing the ball. For all the criticism of him, Gyokeres did start brightly last night but failed to make any real impact, again because of a complete lack of decent service. Two or three times I saw him start a run in the channels only to be forced back from offside because the run was either not seen or ignored.
Thank goodness for the equaliser. Fingers crossed for next week.
Vinay shares a few home truths and twists the knife in Levy (£):
“Venkatesham claimed that an internal review had highlighted a number of key areas in which he believes Spurs had fallen short under Levy. He also claimed that alleged mistakes from the Levy era mean that Tottenham, contrary to popular belief, face pressure to adhere to financial rules and must sell players.”
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2026/03/12/tottenham-venkatesham-daniel-levy-tudor-results-relegation/
C100@9: Is that because the club doesn’t know how much it will have to pay season ticket holders to watch the team next season?
🤣
Thanks for the links C100, I noticed Blogs had picked up on the 11/17 away
point today too. It’s a good point, big week incoming with two at home and
then Wemberlee.
Atletico Madrid will sell Alvarez to a PL club for £85m but won’t sell him to Barcelona (in Spanish):
https://www.sport.es/es/noticias/barca/atletico-decidido-vender-julian-alvarez-127860143
Bath@15.
If this is true – fill yer boots Berta
Seems a bit rich for my blood to be honest given
he’s 27 and wasn’t that great at Cheaty before.
Hard to think of better options though I must admit.
Alvarez is two years younger and two inches shorter than Jesus, according to the records, if that makes any difference to your assessment of him. They are different sorts of strikers, though, as these charts suggest:
Interesting comparison, Ned @18. Looks less attractive in that analysis. Perhaps Matt is right.
>>>>>>>