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This season has been an aberration for Bayern Munich in that they will not win the Bundesliga title. The German champions will be Bayer Leverkusen and our own Granit Xhaka. It’s a well worn joke by now but no less worthy of repetition for that – one of “their own”, Harry Kane, left the Spuds in desperation to finally win a guaranteed title in Bavaria with Munich, champions of the Bundesliga for the last twelve seasons. He was joined by his Tottenham mate Eric, Dier by name and Dire by nature, and such has been their influence that Leverkusen have won the title and currently sit no less than sixteen points ahead of the Bavarians with five games left to play! It was still a brave move for Kane in some ways, not least in having to learn the Bavarian dialect of a language which is a challenge to many natural German speakers, let alone an Englishman who struggles with his own native language.

Seriously though, there is no doubt about the size of the task facing us this Wednesday. While Bayern may not have been performing to standard domestically this season, the Champions League has been a different matter. They took 16 of a possible 18 points in the group stage, and dispatched Lazio in the Round of 16 by a 3-1 aggregate score, although they did lose the away leg by a goal to nil.

They remain fearsome opponents with huge resources and while under German regulations the official owners of the club are FC Bayern München AG, they are co-owned by Adidas, Audi, Allianz SE and president of the club Herbert Hainer, the former CEO of Adidas Group and chairman of the supervisory board to the club. They play in the 75,000 capacity Allianz Arena where we can expect a massively hostile atmosphere created by their fans who, incidentally, pay an average £21.00 for the privilege! Dream on, Gooners!

With 30 German league titles – 29 in the Bundesliga era – and 20 DFB Cup honours, they are by far the most decorated club in Germany and, whisper it quietly, they also have six European Cup/Champions League titles. But hey, we all have to get lucky sometimes!

The Ancient History

Bayern is the German name for Bavaria, one of the 16 states of Germany. Bayern may also refer to: Kingdom of Bavaria (Königreich Bayern), a state existing from 1806 to 1918, and, Electorate of Bavaria (Kurfürstentum Bayern), an independent hereditary electorate existing from 1623 to 1806.
All Bavarians call their state Bayern when they’re speaking German. They might accommodate English speakers by using Bavaria – a word that harks back to the Baiovarii, a tribe who settled there in the 5th century – and is probably Latin in origin.

The Modern History

Ex-long term player and French international Franck Ribery gave a teary-eyed farewell speech to the Bayern Munich fans at the end of the 2018-19 Bundesliga campaign, but what did the Frenchman mean when, with his hand on his heart, he signed off with the words “Mia san Mia”? Arsenal fans at close quarters with their Bayerischer counterparts may be wondering what exactly that means emblazoned on their scarves. Well, he wasn’t actually speaking French. Ribery was actually reciting Bayern’s club motto – the Bavarian variation of the German “Wir sind wir” or, in English, “We are who we are.”

“Mia san Mia” is a phrase that has its roots in the 19th century Austro-Hungarian Empire, and was later used by German politician Franz Josef Strauss – chairman of the Christian Social Union in Bavaria (CSU) from 1961 until 1988 – before being adopted by Bayern München during the 1980s.
“Mia san Mia stands for the complete will to succeed,” explains homegrown Bayern star Thomas Müller. “That’s how we manage to turn games round so often. There’s no middle ground, only wins. “Mia san Mia stands for a hardcore winning mentality with a good dose of self-belief, but without any arrogance. Whoever wants to win in life has to work hard for it. It’s the same as for professional footballers. The best footballers always play for Bayern. Everyone gives it their all in training. Anyone who can’t get on with the idea is in the wrong place. It’s something we all try to teach the younger players. There’s nothing that’s more important.”

The situation is thus described by Müller in a tone which betrays that notoriously German lack of humour – a trait which establishes itself at a very early age and is well illustrated in the case of the British couple who adopted a German baby. The baby was totally healthy but he never spoke a single word. As he turned two, three and four, the couple tried everything, taking him to doctors and a variety of therapists who all said he was fine – but he just didn’t speak. Then one morning at breakfast, on his tenth birthday, he suddenly said, “This strudel is a bit tepid, don’t you agree?” The parents were stunned and cried, “Wolfgang! You’ve never spoken a word in your entire life before – we thought you couldn’t speak! Why have you never said anything before?” “Well,” replied the boy, “because until now everything has been satisfactory!”

The Team News

Manager Thomas Tuchel is already a dead man walking at Bayern but, in accordance with their club motto, that will not stop the players from giving their all to try to win Europe’s top prize.

Tommy Heinz, my well informed German sauce, is reporting that the Germans will be without Alphonso Davies, who is suspended for this leg, and Serge Gnabry, Leroy Sane (doubt), Manuel Neuer – the captain – and Kingsley Coman, are all set to miss out with various injuries. Coman, who was to replace either Gnabry or Sane as Bayern’s flying wingers, apparently suffered a thigh injury against FC Köln on Saturday afternoon. Oh dear, what a shame, how sad!

It would appear that Harry The Spud will be free to continue making backs for, and aiming elbows at, our defenders in the absence of the clear and obvious red card he should have had last week for his assault on Gabriel. If only there was some sort of instant replay video system to rectify such injustice. What? Really….?!

Whoever plays for The Arsenal, we are going to need to learn fast from the home leg – something the team has shown itself to be very capable of – and defend both wings properly, and a lot better than we did at The Emirates. That task should be somewhat easier if both Gnabry and Sane are indeed unavailable, but total concentration will be the order of the day.

Personally, I would go with a front three of Saka, Havertz and Martinelli, who seems more effective unsettling teams with his pace from the start than trying to get into the game later on. Conversely, Gabriel Jesus, who has had most of his better performances in the Champions League, seems more effective of late as an impact substitute than as a starter.

Whether we defend and counter attack – as we did at the Etihad – or try to catch Bayern cold with a fast start on the front foot, will be interesting to see. Interesting and nerve wracking. Should it end all square, we will have to beat the Germans at penalties. Eeek!

I would go with the following line-up, which will undoubtedly be proved wrong on the night –

Raya
White, Saliba, Gabriel, Tomiyasu
Ødegaard, Jorginho, Rice
Saka, Havertz, Martinelli

… with Jesus and Trossard as impact subs, and Partey to come on for Jorginho or Rice if either tires, or we need more direct vertical passing.
Due to the seriousness and intensity of this clash, I have deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It is now completely Hans free….

The Match Officials

It’s quite odd that the choice of match officials deserves a special mention in a football blog but, in keeping with their PGMOL counterparts, foreign referees can have a major bearing on our European fixtures – the Champions League Final in 2006 where Jens Lehmann was hastily and unnecessarily sent off so early in the game; a tie at the Emirates when the Dutch referee was practically Dirk Kuyt’s next door neighbour and denied us everything, all night; and last week when the Swedish referee failed to red card Harry Kane, and was then fooled by Manuel Neuer into refusing Bukayo Saka a last minute penalty. Bitter? Me? You bet!

Anyway, this game against Bayern will be controlled – we hope – by a team of officials from the Netherlands led by Mr Danny Makkelie, and assisted by Hessel Steegstra and Jan de Vries, who I thought sounded like an ex-Dutch-international player, but it turns out his namesake was a renowned Dutch naturopath. Well, someone might be interested……..

The Holic Pound

Bayern are the bookies favourites to win at 7/5 or 13/10 with the two sources I checked. The draw is 13/5 with both, while an Arsenal win can be had at 15/8 or 9/5, so 2/1 for non-pedants. Good luck if you are brave enough to stake your hard earned on the outcome.

Try to enjoy the game. Hopefully we’ll be here on Thursday morning with lifted spirits and renewed optimism for a major trophy this term. This manager and this team deserve our support for a season of continued improvement – whatever happens.

And sorry for the German jokes. I know – they’re the wurst 😉

61 Drinks to “We Need To Tear Bayern A Neuer One”

  1. 1
    TTG says:

    Thanks for an amusing and informative preview- very Trev !
    When I trudged out of the ground last Tuesday I was much more optimistic than when I trudged out on Sunday evening . It’s a big ask given our record in Munich , their quality and the fact that inevitably Harry Kane will be given a penalty at some stage .
    I shouldn’t speak for Btm but having had lunch with him on Sunday I suspect he would pick Partey in midfield . I thought Jorginho looked very tired last week . I don’t think Jesus or Martinelli are properly fit . We used to play ESR wide on the left and I’d revert to that and I’d try Partey with Rice as two holding midfielders . I’d have Havertz upfront and my left back would be Tomi .
    I hope my pessimism is totally unjustified but I don’t think we can turn it around as we currently are. I do hope I’m wrong

  2. 2
    Ollie says:

    Great preview, jokes and puns, Trev!
    I like the look of your starting line-up too.
    It’s going to be a tough one. Beating the Germans on penalties though…priceless!
    I think Sané will be fit for tomorrow, possibly Neuer too.

  3. 3
    Cuntryman100 says:

    Great and very funny preview Trev. Unfortunately, but predictably, Tuchel says Sane and Neuer will start.

    I’m still confident. Watching from behind the sofa.

    COYG.m

  4. 4
    Countryman100 says:

    Bon voyage to CER and 21CG who leave for Munich tomorrow morning ((although at the moment they don’t have a ticket). Have a great trip fellas and bring back the win!

  5. 5
  6. 6
    North Bank Ned says:

    As puntastic as ever, Trev. Your headline alone is worth the price of admission.

    Separately, the latest GHF Predictathon leaderboard has been posted. Didn’t you all do well in Match Week 33. Especial congrats to CER. His score fell by more than anyone else’s, a success that I hope is a harbinger of good things for us on Wednesday.

    You know where to find it…

  7. 7
    Goonersince54 says:

    Ever punful Trev
    Very very clever, even if i do say so myself.
    Just been watching highlights of tonight’s double header, and 2 crackers they were.
    11 goals scored between them, end to end football, very entertaining.
    There will probably be plenty more in the City/Real clash, and the question is, can our excellent defensive setup, [ prior to Bayern/Villa games last week] keep the Bavarians quiet for 90 plus minutes in their own Bear pit.
    It will be a massive ask for our young team, whose CL experience you can write on the back of a postage stamp, compared to Bayern’s.
    We have to be brave, keep the faith and trust the process.
    Whichever way it goes, just do the club proud, and win or lose, leave with our heads held high.

  8. 8
    Gunnersaurus Stunt Double says:

    Lovely stuff Trev. Funny, informative and thoroughly enjoyable.

    I expect it will be tight, not a crazy game like the two this evening, but I guess anything could happen. Arteta set us up well in his presser. If we play with anything like the craft and confidence he reckons we will then we’ll be in with a decent chance. I don’t think we could ask for much more.

    Again, I’m glad we aren’t playing another Porto or Atletico Madrid. Bayern are a top club and they play the game as fairly as anyone. As long as we give a good account of ourselves then I’ll be happy enough even if we lose. If we win, then things start to look very exciting…

    I’d go full George Graham for this one. Just don’t concede and take the game as deep as we can.

  9. 9
    Bathgooner says:

    Great preview Trev. Nervous here. Hoping for a miracle. Or at least a performance to be proud of.

    COYG

  10. 10
    OsakaMatt says:

    Thanks Trev, very amusing and your side looks about right to me
    though I have no idea who MA will actually choose.

    Although I am nervous I am actually looking forward to this one
    as I feel we have a good shout. I’d have been more confident if
    we had routinely rolled over Villa at the weekend but it is a good
    chance to show some balls.

  11. 11
    BtM says:

    Excellent, Trev. At our best we can win this one tonight.

    COYG. Be that best tonight.

  12. 12
    Sancho Panza says:

    I loved reading this, danke schoen Trev! I quite like the Germans personally….. but not tonight!
    Nervous but hopefully we give of our best and triumph. As long as it’s not some dodgy ref decision that decides the result.
    Up the Gunners.

  13. 13
    Las says:

    Cheers Trev! Thanks for the jokes and the optimism. I’m nervous as hell. I will join to C100 behind the sofa.
    I just read the news, Saka and Ødegard will be assesed today. I hope it’s only a german joke
    COYG

  14. 14
    Uplympian says:

    Thanks Trev, that was terrific preview from start to finish – I didn’t even wince at the jokes. Your team is the best for tonight – if they live up to their best then a win is quite possible.
    COYRRR

  15. 15
    Esso says:

    Cheers Trev!

  16. 16
    Countryman100 says:

    Amusing to see the Gooners in Munich on Twitter. Some serious beer supping going on!

  17. 17
    bt8 says:

    Thanks Trev for that excellent and entertaining preview including the calamity Kane and dire Dier effect. Hilarious but hopefully spot on in how it plays out in the game tonight. COYG 👍🏼

  18. 18
    BtM says:

    @16 C100, I went to the 2013 game which we won 2-0 (but needed 3-0). Bumped into Lars in one of the Oompah pubs pre-match. Someone persuaded the Oompah band to play the “One nil to the Arsenal” theme, which they did very well. Great atmosphere in very good spirit.

  19. 19
    Trev says:

    Many thanks for the appreciative comments – glad if it raised a chuckle or two.

  20. 20
    Countryman100 says:

    CER and 21CG seem to be enjoying themselves in Munich!

  21. 21
    Esso says:

    Arsenal: Raya, White, Saliba, Gabriel, Tomiyasu, Jorginho, Rice, Odegaard, Saka, Martinelli, Havertz,

    Subs: Ramsdale, Hein, Kiwior, Zinchenko, Partey, Vieira, Smith Rowe, Trossard, Nelson, Nketiah, Jesus

    2

  22. 22
    Esso says:

    Which is pretty well the line-up (maybe except Martinelli starting) that most pundits wangted?

  23. 23
    Countryman100 says:

    My name is Countryman100 and I approve this team!

  24. 24
    OsakaMatt says:

    As nailed by our GHF previewer Trev 👏👏

  25. 25
    OsakaMatt says:

    Anyway, good side and plenty of strong Plan B options if needed.

  26. 26
    TTG says:

    On to glory you Gunners !

  27. 27
    Sancho Panza says:

    Way too much head on those beers. Don’t get that with a nice pint of Skol.

  28. 28
    Trev says:

    Come on You Reeedddssss !

  29. 29
    OsakaMatt says:

    Cagey stuff so far, we’re doing fine I think though Sane finally got in behind Tomi.
    We managed the corner calmly. And we’re pressing well so far,

  30. 30
    OsakaMatt says:

    Best chance of the game for Gabi M but he hit it straight at Neuer.

  31. 31
    OsakaMatt says:

    Bayern cheating. Must be rattled.

  32. 32
    OsakaMatt says:

    0-0 half time.
    We look safer with Tomi at the back. It’s so tense.

  33. 33
    bt8 says:

    Keep doing the same and complete focus on the defensive side and this second half could be hours. Martinelli hurried that shot when he probably didn’t have to, but straight at Neuer. Arsenal looked the cooler of the two sides.

  34. 34
    Trev says:

    I wondered why we ever signed Jorginho – well you can certainly see why tonight – and not for the first time. Very clever player.

  35. 35
    bt8 says:

    hours = ours

    At least I wouldn’t expect the second half to last hours 🤣

    COYG

  36. 36
    Esso says:

    We’ve played well. We’re still in this.

    UP THE ARSE!

  37. 37
    OsakaMatt says:

    Big Gabi and Raya giving my heart a work-out

  38. 38
    Countryman100 says:

    Bugger

  39. 39
    OsakaMatt says:

    Bollocks
    CoYGs!

  40. 40
    OsakaMatt says:

    Fuck me, nearly a second.

  41. 41
    OsakaMatt says:

    Need to steady the ship, then Jesus for Jorginho.

  42. 42
    OsakaMatt says:

    Leo for Gabi too,

  43. 43
    Sancho Panza says:

    Not a defender in sight unfortunately.

  44. 44
    Esso says:

    Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  45. 45
    Countryman100 says:

    A bridge too far. We didn’t look like scoring second half. Very proud of this team though.

  46. 46
    OsakaMatt says:

    That is a real bastard.

  47. 47
    TTG says:

    Well said C100
    We will learn from this but we need to build on the foundation we have . And we need someone upfront who can make the difference in big games. But we acquitted ourselves well in a very tough match

  48. 48
    North Bank Ned says:

    I guess the tie was lost in the first leg at the Ems. But it was a CL quarter-final, and we looked as if we belonged. It’s many a long year since we’ve been able to say that. And a lot of experience gained to take into next season’s competition.

  49. 49
    Sancho Panza says:

    Better team went through over the two legs so good luck to them.

  50. 50
    Bathgooner says:

    We went toe to toe with a seasoned European outfit for 180 minutes and lost the QF through a single moment’s lapse in concentration by three players who could have stopped Kimmich getting his free header. No disgrace. We should be proud that our youngsters didn’t look out of place in this company but clearly they didn’t have enough game nous to deal with a very experienced opponent. Fine margins. Now win 6 finals and see where we land. Then improve the squad further. WDYG

  51. 51
    Bathgooner says:

    A consolation is that it’s clear that even the financially doped clubs like the Chavs, PSG and the 115ers took several seasons to progress to the final of this competition. As MK5 observed we experienced that in the late 90’s and our double winners got knocked out in the group stages for several seasons before they (& AW) gained enough experience to go all the way to the final in 2007. This young team will be back, be wiser and be re-inforced.

  52. 52
    Depressedgooner says:

    I must have been watching a different game tonight as I thought we did not look dangerous at all, woeful corners and free kicks and way too late when we decided to try and score, Raya again proved he is not on the same wavelength as his defence.

    I’m disappointed but not remotely surprised and the reffing team weren’t looking like helping us with two blatant corners missed but we’d have wasted them anyway.

    I thought they were far better tactically with both fouls and cheating which I bloody hate and we gave away stupid free kicks and fell over needlessly too many times.

    Overly negative I know but it’s in the name.

  53. 53
    TTG says:

    Citeh out
    A hilariously bad penalty from Bernardo Silva !

  54. 54
    Sancho Panza says:

    You can’t look at this game in isolation just like you can’t look at the Villa game in isolation. We have several players who look absolutely knackered in the latter stages of games. We have virtually no rotation going on despite having only one player out injured. This means Arteta only really trusts about 13 of his players. The season is long and hard and so much progress has been made in the last two seasons. We need a couple more players who can make a difference when called upon and someone up top who knows where the goal is.

  55. 55
    North Bank Ned says:

    Well in for the half-ton, bath.

  56. 56
    North Bank Ned says:

    At least City’s defeat should take the headlines from ours. It really does seem that experience makes a bigger difference in the CL than in any other competition.

  57. 57
    OsakaMatt says:

    In a way I would like Shitteh to have gone through as more games for them.
    Psychologically it levels it out a bit though as these were tough defeats for both us and 115. It will be very tough but let’s see if the boys can go again at Wolves.

  58. 58
    Bathgooner says:

    Spot on SP @54.

    As someone said elsewhere, it’s good to see the 115ers finally face penalties! 😉

  59. 59
    Ollie says:

    Heh Bath @ 58 🙂
    And well in for the half-ton.
    Today’s essentially a football-free zone for me.

  60. 60
    ClockEndRider says:

    Im with SP@54. A lot of progress has been made by the team in the last 2 years. Bayern have a lot of know how and we will have learned so much again last night.
    Talking of which, I’m not sure 2 large gins and tonic while watching 115 go out on pens in the Munich bar last night were strictly necessary. I will be relying heavily on 21CG to push me in the direction of the relevant flights home later. Good to see that Bayern fans were just as happy as us that City were knocked out. They do appear to be universally disliked.

  61. 61
    Pangloss says:

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>