Arsenal just keep breaking records, and they smashed another one in Yorkshire tonight as they became the first team in all four divisions of English professional football to win three consecutive away matches by five goals or more. 

In the lead up to the game much of the talk was centred around the number of goals Arsenal were going to score rather than the outcome of the match. That was considered to be a foregone conclusion against what the table strongly suggests is the worst in the league. A touch of arrogance? Perhaps. But as soon as the game commenced it soon became apparent that this arrogance was justified. 

With barely a minute gone Arsenal were within a whisker of a very early lead as Saka rattled the bar from close range before the ball rebounded to Martinelli who saw his fierce drive cleared off the line with the ‘keeper beaten. It set the tone for what was to follow and moments later Arsenal were ahead as Martinelli fed Rice on the left and the Englishman’s cutback found Ødegaard who slotted home with ease in what has become his trademark finish. 

And in a flash, it was two. Saka skinned Auston Trusty, formerly of this parish, drove into the box and his low cross was inadvertently bundled in by Bogle for an own goal. And then we blinked and when we opened our eyes again it was three. We cut through the Blades like a knife through butter and Kiwior’s cutback found Martinelli who found the bottom corner via a slight deflection, but it was undoubtedly his goal. 

It was becoming humiliating for the hosts who opted to make an early substitution as Ollie Norwood was replaced by Ben Osborn on the quarter hour mark as Chris Wilder opted for a back five in a bid to prevent a cricket score. Barring injury, I think that might be the earliest substitution ever.

But it had little effect as Arsenal added two more before the break, firstly through Kai Havertz who drilled home for his third goal in three games. 4-0 inside twenty-five minutes! And not long after it was five. Ødegaard found Saka who turned the defender inside out, cut it back for Declan Rice who duly converted for his fifth of the season. 5-0 inside 40 minutes….

Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a sixth before the break which would’ve broken yet another record, but we can’t have it all. Saka was replaced by the returning Fabio Vieira as a precaution with the game already won. Arsenal continued with the same intensity and before the hour we had another. Jorginho clipped a sumptuous ball over the top which was brought down expertly by Havertz who took a touch inside and fed Ben White who clumped the ball home for number six, equalling our biggest away win in the Premier League era, only a few weeks after we put six past West Ham. These are heady days indeed. 

Arteta then brought on Partey and Jesús – the former making his first appearance since early October. Both understandably looked a little rusty but getting those minutes in the legs can only be a good thing as we head into a crucial phase of the season. The game petered out from this point. Of course, it would’ve been nice to score more goals, but we have a big game on Saturday night at home to Brentford followed by that huge tie at home to Porto as we look to overturn the one goal deficit from the first leg. Those games are more important and when you’re six goals up with a third of the game to go you can afford to plan ahead. It’s a nice luxury to have and it is a luxury we have created for ourselves. 

That’s 31 goals in seven games which is really quite something. To put that into context, that’s more goals than Sheffield United, Burnley and Everton have managed all season. In fact, it is only six fewer goals than Manchester United and their billion-pound squad have managed in the league all season. 

We have now scored the most goals (68) and conceded the least (23) in the league. Basically, we’re quite good. And yet we are still third, two points behind Liverpool, one behind Manchester City. The good news is both those two face off this weekend so at least one will drop points, ideally both. But we will need to beat the Bees first and if we do, we will go top for 24 hours at least. 

Goal difference is another factor that could well come into play come the season’s end. Ours stands at +45, six better than Liverpool’s and ten better than City’s. Pre Dubai our GD stood at a comparatively paltry +17 so it is quite the turnaround. If we win the league, I think we should refer to this season in two parts- BD for before Dubai and AD for after Dubai. You never know, it might catch on. 

COYG!

Preamble

This Saturday saw us welcome the Riyadh Democrats Repressors to The Arsenal for a rare evening kick-off. Nice Guy Eddie and his merry little band of ne’er do wells were on a run of four unbeaten in the Premier League and were expected by some to provide a stern test of The Arsenal’s mental mettle after the unfortunate travails of our midweek trip to Oporto. They had certainly frustrated The Arsenal on their previous visit as they anti-footballed their way to a 0-0 draw, and then once again at their own ground this season when, with an assist from the PGMoL, they stole three points in the manner of a particularly rapacious house of kleptocrats. The latter game proved a step too far for Mikel Arteta, who rightly lambasted the officiating as an absolute disgrace and followed up prior to this game by happily showing no regret whatsoever for telling the truth – well said that man. However, having talked the talk, it was time to put our game faces on and walk the walk.

The Teams 

The only change for The Arsenal was Jorginho in for Leo. After the game, Mikel said of Jorginho “he’s a top player, especially when the opponents have certain behaviours or a certain set-up. The way I can imagine the game, he’s going to have a big impact….” Make of that what you will and no doubt there is a strategic aspect to it but I also feel MA values Jorginho’s character in potentially tricky situations. Whatever the actual reason, the fact was that Jorginho had an excellent game, though I should add I thought Leo a tad unlucky to be the one to make way as none of our attacking players were sharp in midweek. We also welcomed Gabriel Jesús back to a bench that is slowly gaining in strength. The Tiny Toons had made 3 changes, one of them in goal where Dubravka had shrewdly rustled up a sick note and left Karius to face the on-fire squad in his first PL appearance since 2018. 

1^st half

The double whammy of motivation for The Arsenal, to bounce straight back whilst serving a dish cold, meant the faithful, including some of our fellow Holics who had, if I have understood correctly, recently arrived from Ecuador, were in full voice right from the off. North London Forever had barely faded before Martinelli won our first corner about 10 seconds into the game. It was swiftly followed by a second that was adroitly nodded on at the near post by Benjamin but fell unfortunately to a Toon player and was cleared. The pattern however was set – we pressed ferociously and attacked in waves, they clung on for dear life. Chances and half-chances came and went over the next fifteen minutes before the opening goal came, to absolutely no one’s surprise these days, from a corner.

The Arsenal 1 Newcastle 0

Saka’s 18^th minute corner from the right was well-met by a dominant Gabriel but then well parried by Karius. Fortunately, this time as the ball dropped down it was expertly keystoned into their own net by a combination of Livramento and Botman. In real time I was unsure if it had gone over the line before Karius had pushed it out but in these days of miracle and wonder goal line technology had it all sorted out in a jiffy and a 1-0 lead was ours. It didn’t last long.

The Arsenal 2 Newcastle 0

In response to our opening goal Newcastle did nothing as we continued to completely control the game for about 5 minutes until the ball arrived at Jorginho’s feet and he dropped a perfect ball to Martinelli as he smartly made his way from the left to ring wing. Demonstrating some top-class control Gabi made his way to the byline and then cut back into the path of Kai “65 million down the drain” Havertz, who finished readily. A richly deserved 2-0 lead that could easily have been four or five by the break as we once again made a team that is in the top 8 look like 2^nd rate mugs managed by an overrated halfwit. 

To cap an outstanding first-half, when Newcastle finally got in our area in the final minutes of the half we defended well and stopped them from getting a single shot on goal. Considering Newcastle were, prior to kick-off, the highest scoring team outside the Top 3 that is top quality game management. 

2^nd half

As the 2^nd half kicked off the Japanese TV commentator wondered how many we would get and his co-commentator opined “as many as they want” to my amusement. In fact, it could have been 3-0 very early on. There was some vintage passing around the cones, Newcastle players, then back to Raya who fired a great long ball to the right wing, more smart passing and suddenly Kai was one-on-one with the keeper. Tragically he poked it wide and what would have been a truly great goal was lost. The game then entered an odd twilight zone and I was confused for a time until it dawned on me that Newcastle had the ball and were attacking. They had their first attempt on goal, a mediocre effort from Gordon that was charitably considered on target (it wasn’t). Isak then cut inside Benjamin (with quite worrying ease in truth, though Isak isn’t a bad player to be fairer than I prefer) and over-clubbed a shot into the crowd. Leo replaced Gabi M after about an hour and normal service was resumed shortly afterwards.

The Arsenal 3, oh no I mean 4 Newcastle 0

A smart interception by Kai, (or a poor pass from Botman I suppose) who then combined with Øde to leave Bukayo alone with Livramento. A few tortured-filled seconds later the referee stopped Livramento’s punishment and pointed back to the centre circle. 3-0. It was a cracking finish across the keeper and into the far corner from Saka, scoring in his 5^th PL game in a row (first to do that since Giroud apparently). 

The crowd had barely had time to finish celebrating the third, when the fourth arrived. Our friends from Riyadh displayed a delightful inability to learn and a corner from Rice was nodded home at the near post by Kiwior. It was I believe our millionth goal from a set-piece this season or something like that. Initially, the goal was given as an own goal as it took a deflection off Smiley (Isn’t he dead by George? Ed.) but the PL espied that it was in fact on target and it happily became Kiwior’s first of the season. 

The game drifted to a contented close (unless obviously you were a Toon supporter but then you get what you deserve for lacking a moral compass).  Raya amusingly nailed the ref from 30 yards and pretended it was an accident; there were a whole raft of Hale Enders subbed on; Joe W scored for The Arsenal Newcastle, and Dan Burn cleared off the line to deny ESR a goal that we all wanted to see but alas it was not to be and 4-1 it remained.

I could happily write many more words as it was a truly enjoyable game with much that was good and encouraging but I may have tested your patience enough and so I will finish by saying it was a great end to a testing week and we can go to Sheffield for the next game in fine fettle. Just keep winning.