Goonerholics Forever

Embed from Getty Images

I wonder whether centipedes think millipedes are show-offs?

Does Spaghetti Bolognese have bacon in it?

Which ones are cumulonimbus?

These are just some of the questions that may have been in the minds of our players for the first thirty-five minutes of today’s game against West Ham. Whatever they were thinking of it was not how to play football.

We started diabolically and were three-nil down before we knew where we were (and with no further knowledge of which clouds are which). Seriously, that may be an unusual start to a match report but, compared to our start in the actual match, it is laser focused. We just were not awake, we were not in the game, and fans everywhere would have been seriously worried long before they scored the first.

What makes this even more frustrating is that for about fifty-five minutes of the match- from the last ten minutes of the first half until the final whistle- we were excellent. Having unloaded both barrels of a shotgun into our own feet we took the time to reload the damn thing and take a third shot at ourselves before we finally began to play.

There is no quantifying games like this. They are just the sort of thing this current crop of players are going to serve up from time to time. The ridiculous followed by the sublime. I have no idea whether we should be pleased with a point or pissed off at not getting all three. The start of the match was unacceptable, a point I do not doubt the manager made at half-time, yet some of our attacking play was magnificent. We got to see absolutely the best and worst of the team we have. In typical fashion, we saw everything we fail to do properly, as well as the blueprint for everything we have the potential to be. If we go on to fulfill that potential, then this could be some team we are building. If we don’t, then this could be one hell of a frustrating period in our history. Personally, I think Arteta will get us where we want to be… but it will take time.

Today, our opponents began brightly, raining in crosses that Souček, in particular, could have scored from. They did score after fourteen minutes (I am not sure if we had touched the ball by then) when Antonio came short and then spun in behind Luiz. The defender shepherded him wide, yet when he passed it back to Lingard on the edge of the box, we had left him unmarked. We had 7 players back in the box, but none had seen the danger. Chambers tried too late to block the excellent shot that flew past Leno. It was not good defensively, but we were about to get much worse.

Bowen scored quickly after that. Antonio Kaned a foul from Jon Moss despite Saka getting the ball. The big man just crumpled over the ball and the whistle obligingly sounded. Then we switched off. They took a quick free-kick (did we stop so completely because the ref reached for his can of spray to draw a white line, indicating he was not going to allow a quick free-kick?) and Bowen got in down the right and slotted under Leno, who should have saved it. We can have no complaints. It was our responsibility to be switched on and not for the first time we were caught by a quick free kick.

Their third came after we lost the ball playing out complacently down the left. I am all for this tactic when it is implemented properly, but we need to be switched on. Today, we were not. Auba completely failed to track his man or cover Tierney in any way, and it did not look like our day when the cross came in and Antonio beat David Luiz to the header, which was going wide until it brushed an onside Soucek and went past Leno.

The London Stadium ground staff were frantically reloading soapy liquid into their bubble machine. They had never used it up so fast before.

However, they need not have bothered, as at this point the match changed. We woke up and began to play. By the end of the game, we had created an absolute hatful of chances and, as Arteta observed afterwards, we could have scored 6 or 7. Laca had one hooked off the line. He played Saka through beautifully and the young man should have beaten our erstwhile ‘keeper Fabianski. There were countless times when the ball just did not quite fall for us, or West Ham got a block in. In a game full of chances, The Irons themselves also had one more great opportunity to score a goal that would surely have put the game beyond us, Antonio hitting the post after we had pulled two back.

The first one we did score went down as an own goal after a shot from the magnificent Lacazette took a deflection off Souček and flew in on 38 minutes. Calum GarrinChambers (copyright Trev) got his first assist of two in a marvellous display that was quite possibly the best right back performance we have seen this season. He crossed brilliantly, marauded up and down the wing, interchanged positions well with the dangerous Saka and the excellent Odegaard… and still managed to pull off a fantastic covering double-stop to prevent them scoring in the second half. Not a bad day’s work for the lad, although he will be miffed to have shipped three goals.

In the second half (after a right earful from the Boss, I’d bet) we continued to apply pressure from the first whistle. Bowen fell over hoping for a foul that was only in his head. It was Laca’s turn to take a free kick quickly (he put his hand on the ball to stop it and luckily VAR failed to notice that it was still turning a fraction of a rotation as he kicked it) and, as we played it wide, it was Calum, doing his Cafu impression, who whipped in a fiendish ball that Dawson could only turn into his own net.

Our third was really good. Odegaard, who was unlucky not to be given MOTM after a scintillating display of close control and probing passes mixed with downright incisive ones, played sub Pepe in out wide. The Ivorian used his weaker foot to put in a cross that Chambers would have been proud of (seriously, the quality of that ball is of the very highest order) and Lacazette found space to score a header that he richly deserved. He was fantastic today- his best game in ages. He played some wonderful through balls, made great runs, was constantly dangerous, and, best of all, worked his balls off.

I am a huge fan of Auba, but Lacazette’s performance showed up our captain today. He was utterly anonymous, apart from when he was misplacing simple passes or conspicuous by his failure to be in a defensive position he should have been occupying. Worst of all, just did not put the effort in. He was our worst performer. However, he will want to be back to his best as soon as possible, and I am sure he will score vital goals for us before the season is over.

We did not manage to get a winner, and I do have some frustrations about that as we created so much. But to get a draw after being 3-0 down is not something we should turn our noses up at.

Some thoughts on individuals…

None of them were up to much in the first 35 minutes but Odegaard, Laca and Tierney were the ones who particularly stood out as being up for the battle. Xhaka was tremendously slow and backwardsy, as usual. Luiz, like most, got better, but I thought he showed exactly why he is a player we should not be relying on three times a week. He looked jaded. Leno should have saved the second but was otherwise good. Mari did fine. Saka looked tired but the kid is so classy. Partey tired as the game went on, but he is able to thread balls through the middle in a way we have missed for years; he is such an important player for our future. Tierney is a future captain (as soon as possible please Mikel!) The subs were good this time around. Pepe and ESR adding impetus and Xhaka coming off enabling us to get an extra attacking body on. Pepe again showed a moment of real class that helped us get a result. Gabi was quiet, but that was no loss as he replaced the ghostly Aubameyang.  

Lacazette commented afterwards that the players had not respected the gameplan that Arteta had set out for them to begin with. We have no idea what it was, although we know it was not “right lads, play like inebriated badgers wearing clogs who think the ball is a balloon filled with Harry Kane’s drool”, as that was what they executed to perfection.

Saka and Auba started on the wrong wings, in a move that was switched back after twenty minutes. Arteta said it was not the cause of our improvement, and he is right, but I imagine most of us do not wish to see this tactic repeated

I will leave it up to everyone in the drinks to decided whether the players or the manager take the Lion’s share of the blame for how we started. Personally, I cannot give the Boss any credit, but I think the players have to front up. In his interview with Sky, Arteta said we had been unacceptable. He spoke of our two faces- one of which plays incredibly well, while the other is “about giving goals to the opponent and not doing what we have to do.” He seemed somewhere way out beyond beyond furious; just utterly bemused by what he had seen.

I know how he feels.

Have a good one ‘holics.

Like a drunken sailor out all night before the morning when his ship is to sail, Arsenal somehow still managed to stumble through the alleyways in the port and dragged themselves over the gangplank to land successfully onboard in the quarter finals of the Europa League just when the captain had made up his mind to depart without them.

In the post-match interview, our no-nonsense goalkeeper summarized the performance perfectly: “We won’t win anything playing like that”.

It didn’t have to be like that. We started the second leg against Olympiacos at home, with a healthy 3-1 advantage thanks to three excellent goals by Ødegaard, Gabriel and Elneny away at Piraeus. Last Sunday we had comprehensively outplayed and beaten the Spuds 2-1 – however, in the light of yesterday’s thumping at the hand of the Croatian champions maybe we should really not pay much significance to that result? (Insert your choice of emoji here.) All we needed to do was play with composure and commitment, without either panic or complacency, and let our overall technical superiority count.

But none of that happened. Except for the first 20-25 minutes, we played with a combination of technical mistakes, half-hearted challenges, lack of organization, goalmouth profligacy, and, eventually, shivers of panic – a potent cocktail of characteristics that if captured in a chilled martini glass can be perfectly named an “Arsenal”. A few drinks of such a tremor-inducing cocktail was probably what our sailor had imbibed as he stumbled back on to his ship. So, you may ask, now as confused as David Luiz had looked yesterday: is Arsenal the drink or the drinker in this attempt at a painfully convoluted metaphor? Both, my dear friends, both. Arsenal drank a lot of Arsenals last night.

Mikel’s team selection indicated a willingness to rotate without sacrificing quality, and betrayed no obvious signs of conservatism maybe except for Dani Ceballos in the number 10 role which has lately been graced by the iron fist in a velvet glove sophistication of first Emile Smith-Rowe and then Martin Ødegaard.  Captain Aubameyang returned to the team after successfully scoring one over the North London traffic jam. Nicolas Pépé took the place of Bukayo Saka who was recovering after a never-ending series of manhandling by opposition defenders throughout the season finally took its toll.

Leno

Bellerin – Luiz – Gabriel – Tierney

Elneny – Xhaka

Pépé – Ceballos – ESR

Aubameyang

We started brightly enough with Dani, ESR and Pépé pressing well from the front. Around 5^th minute ESR’s shot bounced back against Sokratis onto Emile and then the subsequent collision left both clutching their heads. Thankfully neither was injured.  Most of our early attacking was typically left side biased but Olympiacos had well prepared for the Tierney-ESR combo and they weren’t having as much of a joy as in the weekend. Tierney earned a free-kick that Dani wasted with a poor delivery into the box. Luiz sent one long floating pass down the right that Pépé after controlling superbly couldn’t beat his defender and earned a corner. Around the 19^th minute we almost scored – from a breezy counter attack Ceballos found Pépé with both Sokratis and the Sa, the Olympiaco goalkeeper, converging on the ball. Pépé’s goal-bound attempt deflected off the feet of Papa to squeeze agonizingly past the empty net. He probably should have tried to pass it to Aubameyang who had an empty net in front.

Just a minute later we almost conceded in a familiar fashion. A straight kick from Sa cleared above our high but static defensive line and El-Arabi (who has now made a bit of habit of scoring against us) saw his low rasping drive saved brilliantly by Leno’s outstretched legs.

Around 25^th minute we should really have scored. Dani Ceballos – who had a very mixed game combining some good forward passing with many a dangerous lapse of concentration in possession – found Auba in a central position with a perfectly timed and weighted pass. Out captain’s movement was sharp, his body shape was precise, and he only had the goalkeeper to beat with enough time to choose the direction and height of the shot. He shot straight and high.

That was probably the best we played in the match. After that Olympiacos started to dominate more and more, we started losing all the 50-50 challenges in the midfield and our passing – under pressure but even without being pressed – became increasingly erratic. However, just before the first half ended ESR and Dani combined briskly down the left and ESR’s curling effort lacked the power to beat the goalkeeper who gathered the shot comfortably.

The second half started in a similar vein. Luiz missed a headed clearance from which Olympiacos shot wide. Tierney showed his defensive qualities in clearing a cross. We started dropping back deeper and deeper and Xhaka and Elneny lost any semblance of control in the midfield. While in an advanced attacking position Dani lost possession of the ball – not for the first time – from which Olympiacos came swarming in towards our defense down our right. Neither Bellerin nor Pépé could catch up with the speed of their counter-counter-attack nor did Elneny provide any covering for our right flank. Luiz got his positioning all wrong while facing El-Arabi and his shot deflected off David into Arsenal goal.

Arsenal 0 – Olympiacos 1  (El-Arabi 51’)

Sensing the danger of the tie slipping away Mike rang in the changes. Elneny and Ceballos, both hugely unimpressive, were replaced by Partey and Ødegaard. These atypical early dual substitution was a clear indication how worried Mikel must have felt at that time, just like the rest of us.

Ødegaard improved our control over the game and combined well with Pépé to create a half-chance for Ødegaard around 76^th minute from which Martin shot high. Before that, around 60^th minute Tierney surged forward and provided a perfect cut-back across their penalty box that Pépé met with an excellent goalbound effort which unfortunately stuck ESR on the way in.

Olympiacos still needed two goals, and sensing the increasing doubts and lack of concentration in our game they poured forward with self-belief. From one such Olympiacos attack we sprung a perfect counter-attack when Xhaka fed Ødegaard who passed it on to the path of Aubameyang who kept himself onside and after beating the defenders easily on his pace found himself one-on-one against Sa, the Olympiacos goalkeeper. Auba somehow managed not to finish the move, as his left footed dink after beating Sa spun harmlessly away from the goal. This was on the 81^st minute and there were still ten plus minutes left for Olympiacos to make us pay for that mistake. Just like they did last year.

Thankfully, history didn’t repeat itself. A sub-par Bellerin was replaced by Chambers, and Martinelli came on for an exhausted Emile; it was nice to finally see Gabi back playing. Arsène Wenger once famously said about Tomáš Rosický that “if you love football you must love Rosický”. Not comparing Martinelli the footballer to super TR7 in any way, but I feel the same about him: the kind of intensity and positivity with which Martinelli behaves on the field should bring pure joy to anyone who loves football.

His pressing earned him an early elbow on the face. The offender rightly saw a yellow, and then another one for expressing his displeasure, to reduce Olympiacos to ten men. It is the kind of red card generally Arsenal players are awarded.

Martinelli continued to press well, then made a great run down the left and set Auba up with a perfect cross. Auba’s sensational flicked finish was saved equally sensationally by Sa. We survived the last few minutes without any scare as the entire team defended well enough as a collective towards the end, Ødegaard keeping a cool head in possession.

The match ended with us winning 3-2 on aggregate, and the record of never winning both the home and away legs against Olympiacos kept intact.

We will have to play much better – and score from our chances – if we are to harbor any serious hope of winning the Europa league.

Embed from Getty Images

Warning notice – this is a biased, bitchy and very one-sided report

There is an alternative title that I thought about using to reflect the impression that it seemed to me Sky wanted to convey of this game. It is “Referee robs Tottenham of victory after Lamela brilliance lights up the North London Derby”.

I decided to go with the first one largely because it was true, hurtful to Tottenham (never a bad thing) and because I detest Mourinho’s attempt to manipulate the media – an exercise in which the media (particularly Sky) seem quite complicit. I’m not going to mention Mourinho by name again in this report. He was outcoached today, he managed to get a team including some extremely talented players to be stultifyingly negative and above all… he lost!

Arsenal fans dread this game before it occurs. I’m led to believe S***s fans do too. I had butterflies all afternoon not helped by a poor result in the T20. The stakes are high and pre-match imaginings are always exaggerated. The news that Aubameyang would start from the bench because (as we subsequently found from the Ornacle) he turned up late, again, for a team meeting, was greeted with a mixture of woe and disbelief. It just goes to show that diamond encrusted watches don’t tell the time any better.

Our line-up was similar to the Leeds game and so was our start. Go figure as Scruz and Bt8 might say. Some observations from the selection were that: Luiz really is a fixture in this team; Cedric is really pushing Hector hard for a starting place and Partey and Xhaka is the preferred pivot in midfield. I would guess Arteta really does want to keep Ødegaard.

Our play throughout the first half was generally excellent. We pressed high and energetically, moved the ball well, often with some terrific long passes from side to side – take a bow Luiz and Gabriel and our left flank was exceptionally productive as Tierney and ESR tore them to shreds. I form a lot of my opinions on players based on how much bottle and quality they show in the biggest matches. This game is big because it’s them, not because they are a good side. The first half underlined the fact that they aren’t. Our superiority on the left was largely because Bale couldn’t be arsed to track back, probably pining for the Real Club de la Puerta de Hierro where he does most of his best work… with a five iron. What a shameful performance he gave today, looking utterly ridiculous with his nancified top-knot. This left Docherty unable to stem the raging tide that was Tierney and ESR along the left. I understand we looked at Docherty as a right-back option in the past but decided he wasn’t a good enough defender. We got that one very right on this evidence.

During the first half-hour the game was incredibly one-sided. Our fears about Tottenham cutting us apart on the transition were unfounded because they very rarely had the ball and if they did it was deep in their own half. We moved the ball fluently, quickly and intelligently and waited for the inevitable to happen. Sadly the inevitable wasn’t what we wanted. ESR rapped the post from twenty-five yards and Lacazette was indecisive a couple of times as we switched the ball across goal. Later in the half an ESR cut-back was dummied (or missed ?) by Lacazette and Cedric rattled the post after being pushed off balance by Lucas Moura.

One of their big threats was Son, a regular Nemesis of ours, but he pulled a hammy after about 25 minutes and was replaced by another loathsome Tottenham show pony, Lamela. It was almost inevitable that in their first attack of any substance the ball fell to him to execute his trademark Rabona – trademark because he did it about six years ago (once) and it crept past the unsighted Leno.

Arsenal 0 Tottenham 1 – Lamela (fluke) 33 minutes

I am surprised Sky did not try to extend the half-time break so they could eulogise over it. Hearing other people’s orgasms is never very comfortable (unless you are directly involved in proceedings) and I found myself embarrassed by the ridiculous overhyping by Redknapp, Jones and Dawson.

It was a flashy show-pony’s trick totally against the run of play but we didn’t let it throw us off our stride and after Cédric rattled the post the brilliant Tierney, basking in the balmy 9 degree heat skipped through again on the left and Ødegaard’s effort from his low cross deflected past Lloris – shame

Arsenal 1 Tottenham 1 – Ødegaard 44 minutes

The Norwegian is becoming a machine having scored in our last game and he had a fine half, working hard and intelligently. S***s were incredibly lucky to be on terms at the interval.

The second half was better balanced but we were still well on top. Saka had been replaced at the interval by Pepe (a Fantasy League point dropped for me) and his control and athleticism were to prove decisive. He controlled a Lloris clearance on 64 minutes and immediately found Lacazette in the inside left channel. Lacazette seemed to have sliced his shot (well he did slice his shot) but he was just about to be cleaned out by the useless Sanchez whose flailing leg caught him around the waist. “Penalty!” I cried, and Michael Oliver showed his improvement as a referee by agreeing with me. Lacazette hit a superb low penalty into the right-hand corner to give us the lead.

Arsenal 2 Tottenham 1 – Lacazette (penalty) 64 minutes

As many will know my eldest grandson decided to move to the dark side and he has spent much time showing me rabonas a la Lamela. Apparently even before Lamela’s flukey goal he said to his Dad ( who is responsible for his move to the Scummers) that the Argentinian was heading for a red card. His prediction became reality on 76 minutes when he fended off Tierney high and potentially dangerously and collected a second yellow card after a poor tackle had given him his first. In my opinion Lamela should not be allowed to touch Kieran, he is unworthy and that constitutes a red card in itself in my view.

If we thought that, that was that, (is that enough thats?) we were wrong. It wasn’t that, in fact it was far from that and the butterflies and sweating resurfaced all over the Goonerverse. Kane ( ex- Gooner as Trev reminded us in his excellent preview) decided to carry the rest on his shoulders, was narrowly offside after a headed ‘goal’ and went very close on a couple of occasions. The last fifteen minutes seemed an eternity but we survived and we have the bragging rights in North London. So off you go and brag Holics!

I would praise all our players today but I thought ESR, Ødegaard and Cedric were immense and Tierney was utterly outstanding. I’d like to buy him a replacement Tesco carrier bag for his phone and Ipad as a Thankyou!

If the ‘story’ of this game becomes a referee who gave the game to Arsenal, the media has much to answer for. It should be that a new young progressive coach outthought a biased old has been who will soon oversee an internal implosion which will see his club lose the ground that it gained under Pochettino. As if I could care less.

It’s a good night to be a Gooner !