Goonerholics Forever

 

This article is about those whom we, as Arsenal supporters, loved to hate, or at least, fear. The players who would invariably punish us or behave so badly against us that we viewed them with a mixture of dread and dislike. I asked a number of Holics who they saw as our Nemesis and they gave these fascinating replies. I start with my own recollections of an ancient foe.

Alan Gilzean by TTG 

When your Arsenal supporting memory stretches back to 1958, and given that in the ensuing, nearly seventy years, Arsenal have occasionally had some shocking sides, and if you can believe it,  some shocking defenders in that time, it’s not surprising that there are quite a few attackers who inflicted considerable harm on us. In trying to search back through my memory bank, I thought of two who caused me great displeasure in my teenage years.

I originally opted for the late Bobby Tambling of Chelsea, who loved Highbury and was regularly able to score against us. When Peter Simpson recently passed on it was noted that Tambling notched four goals at Highbury in  March 1964 in Peter’s home debut when ‘Stan’ was allocated the task of marking Tambling. 

But in the end I’ve opted for Alan Gilzean who is also sadly no longer with us. BtM can fill in the early details of Gilzean’s career when he played in the exceptional Dundee side that put much of Europe to the sword in the early nineteen sixties. We eventually raided Dundee for Ian Ure but the Spuds purchased Gilzean in 1965. They got a much better deal than we did! Although Ure did win us Quiz Ball!

Gilzean was years ahead of his time – an unlikely looking striker, follicularly challenged at an early age, like all the best men, he was in 2026 terms, a false nine. He had the most subtle and educated touch and was superb in the air. He scored six goals against us in North London derbies and most were match winners. I have sour memories of him heading winners against us in 1968 and 1970 at White Hart Lane when we had been the better side and of him gliding across the Highbury pitch in a comfortable 2-0 win for the Spuds in 1967. 

He formed a very potent partnership with Jimmy Greaves. There was no chance that Tottenham would struggle to score with those two upfront. He combined elegance with an illusory power. He would fit into many top European sides now. How Scotland would love to have Alan Gilzean upfront instead of Lyndon Dykes! 

I understand from my Arsenal playing contacts at that time that Arsenal and Tottenham players would have joint drinking sessions at a pub in Southgate, each week. Imagine such a thing nowadays! Their information suggests that Gilzean more than held his end up in the drinking stakes as Jimmy Greaves confirmed in his autobiography! He didn’t acquit himself  badly on the pitch either! 

C100 has memories of a more modern nemesis, one that many will recall with a mixture of pain and respect. 

Didier Drogba by C100

When TTG asked me to contribute to this interlull piece about who was my most feared opposition striker, I had to think. Erling Haaland? Harry Kane? I’m not old enough to remember Jimmy Greaves. I did think about Mark Hughes but in the end decided not. Instead, my mind went back to the middle and late noughties. After the Invincibles season there was suddenly another new kid in London. Roman Abramovich was, as David Dein said, parking his tanks on our lawn and firing £50 notes at us.

With his new ebullient manager, Jose Mourinho. Chelsea spent Abramovich’s money well. He built a team by that old Bill Shankly principle of “build the spine of the team up the middle”. So he had Petr Cech in goal, John Terry at centre half, Michael Essien in midfield, and up front, the tall (6’2”), powerful striker from the Ivory Coast, Didier Drogba. He joined Chelsea just a few weeks after we got our gold Invincibles trophy, in July 2004. Between then and 2012 he won everything with Chelsea. The Premier League, Champions league, FA Cup and League Cup. He came back in 2014 and won the league again. And during all that time he tortured Arsenal and our centre backs.

I seem to remember that he seemed especially partial to Philip Senderos. His powerful style was very difficult to play against. He played against Arsenal 15 times in various competitions. In those 15 games he scored 13 goals and finished on the winning side 10 times (how different to the current record of his old club). He was just the supreme striker, great in the air, powerful, quick, a real presence on the field. I hated watching him play against us.

Off the field he was an admirable man, driven to improve the quality of life in his home country of Cote d’Ivoire. He set up the Didier Drogba Foundation in 2007 to improve health and education in Africa. He founded hospitals and schools. He supported the empowerment of women and fostered community spirit via sports facilities he founded. He won many philanthropic awards and recognition.

But my word, he was a great striker.

BtM recollects an even more recent threat. A man still plying his trade successfully but no longer in North London 

Harry Kane: The One That Got Away by BtM

He joined the Gunners’ academy in 2001, aged just eight, but after one season, apparently, we’d seen enough. 

Yes, Arsenal actually had Harry Kane. 

And then we released him. 

According to our former academy director Liam Brady, the young Kane was “a bit chubby” and “not very athletic”. And so began Harry Kane’s extraordinary love/hate relationship with Arsenal — first in, and then very quickly out, of the red and white. 

If only someone at Hale End had possessed a crystal ball. 

There are certain players who seem to have one particular opponent they simply cannot stop scoring against. For Harry Kane, Arsenal has been that opponent. 

For years, whenever the fixture list announced Arsenal v Tottenham, there was one question that immediately entered the minds of Gooners everywhere: 

“Is Kane playing?” 

Because Harry Kane had a habit of turning the North London derby into something resembling a personal appointment. It wasn’t simply another game in the calendar. For Kane, it often looked more like an opportunity to add another chapter to Arsenal’s misery. 

Long before he became Bayern Munich’s prolific England captain, Kane had already established himself as one of Arsenal’s most persistent tormentors. In 19 appearances against the Gunners for Spurs, he scored 14 goals — an extraordinary return of almost three-quarters of a goal every time he faced us. 

And these weren’t goals that merely padded his statistics. 

Kane repeatedly delivered in the biggest fixture of the season for Tottenham: the North London Derby. 

He scored his first Premier League goals against Arsenal in dramatic fashion in January 2015, scoring twice as Spurs came from behind to win 2–1. 

It was, unfortunately for Arsenal, the beginning of a remarkably productive relationship between Harry Kane and one of his favourite opponents. 

The Emirates became something of a personal hunting ground. Kane scored five times at the stadium, a joint record for an opposition player, matching Jamie Vardy and Diogo Jota. 

Five. 

Against us. 

Perhaps we should have just put up a sign saying “Harry, please score elsewhere.” 

Then, in 2023, came the news Arsenal had been waiting for. 

Kane left Tottenham for Bayern Munich. 

Surely, finally, we could escape him? 

He was off to Germany. Problem solved! Red North London could breathe again. 

Not quite. 

Harry apparently hadn’t received the memo. 

Drawn against Arsenal in the Champions League quarter-finals in April 2024, Kane returned wearing the colours of Bayern Munich. His reception was predictably hostile. 

The outcome, however, was painfully familiar. 

With Bayern trailing, Kane stepped up and converted a penalty to put the German champions 2–1 ahead at the Emirates. 

Arsenal eventually rescued a 2–2 draw through Leandro Trossard, but Kane had done it again. 

Of course he had. 

It wasn’t merely another goal. It meant Kane had now scored 15 times in 20 matches against Arsenal, continuing his extraordinary record despite changing clubs, countries and colours. 

And there was another particularly unpleasant sting in the tail for Arsenal. 

Bayern won the return leg 1–0 at the Allianz Arena, eliminating the Gunners 3–2 on aggregate and reaching the Champions League semi-finals. 

For Gooners everywhere, Kane’s record against Arsenal tells a dispiriting story. 

He wasn’t simply a prolific striker who happened to score against us. He repeatedly produced when the stakes were highest in one of English football’s fiercest rivalries. 

And then, when given the opportunity to face Arsenal again in completely different surroundings, thousands of miles from North London and wearing a completely different shirt, he simply carried on where he had left off. 

Kane failed to add to his goal tally in last season’s Champions League tie, but Arsenal have drawn Bayern again this time around. 

So, come October 21st, there is every chance that one question will once again be at the forefront of the minds of Gooners everywhere: 

“Is Kane playing?” 

And perhaps that is the most galling part of the whole story. 

Because Harry Kane wasn’t some unknown kid who emerged from a footballing backwater and suddenly appeared to haunt Arsenal. 

We had him. 

We saw him. 

We assessed him. 

And then we let him go. 

It is a very great pity that, back in 2002, the Hale End Academy director’s job didn’t come with a crystal ball. 

Because if it had, the intervening years might have been very, very different — for Harry Kane’s trophy cabinet, Arsenal’s trophy cabinet, and quite possibly the blood pressure of every Gooner who has ever watched him line up against us. 

CER has a slightly different take on the person he didn’t like us to face. This one didn’t score against us but he inflicted plenty of damage!

Graham Roberts by CER 

Let me start by saying that I haven’t entirely taken leave of my senses. I appreciate that Roberts was hardly Beckenbauer or Baresi. It was as much what he signified as he trod the turf in the early 80’s as what he actually did on it. With one exception, which we will come to. 

Roberts was a lumbering centre half of the old English school, in the tradition of Jack Charlton and Mickey Droy – centre halves who made Sam Allardyce look cultured. Released by Southampton and then by Portsmouth, he played in non-league football before being picked up by Them at the end of the 79/80 season. They had some very good players at this time. Ardiles and Villa spring to mind, as well as Glenn Hoddle. The timing is important. We had just played 3 FA Cup finals on the spin, and while not being brilliant, we too had some fantastic players in that period. Unfortunately, lack of ambition being shown by the Board resulted in the great Liam Brady, in the top 2 or three of the best Arsenal players I have ever seen, leaving for Juventus in May 1980. A year later, Frank Stapleton, one heck of a centre forward, left in acrimonious circumstances for Man United, unsatisfied, as his countryman had been, by the stasis at Arsenal.  Stapleton was replaced over the next 3 years by a collection of bumbling dinosaurs in John Hawley, Ray Hankin and then Lee Chapman. These three could not have found their own backsides with both hands. 

At the same time, Roberts’ arrival coincided with one of the Marshdwellers’ periodic, but short-lived, ascents from the primordial slime, winning consecutive FA Cups in 80/81and 81/82, as well as the European Cup Winners Cup in 83/84. They even had the temerity to win the 80/81 FA Cup semi-final – always played at a neutral venue – at Highbury. Remember that back in 1977 they had been relegated. This unwelcome metamorphosis was something of a shock. At this time, despite being an Islington boy, I was at school up in Enfield – further north and very much Sp*rs territory – and routinely had to suffer the slings and arrows shot by my school mates the vast majority of whom were Sp*rs fans. This was not fun. 

The nadir of this excruciating period occurred, for me, on New Years day 1986. In those days, one of the North London Derbies was reserved for Boxing Day or New Years Day. This year the game was at Highbury. These games were always blood and thunder but this game in particular took it to new highs.   As my moniker would indicate, I and my mates enjoyed standing in the Clock End. However, for derby games, it was given up to Them, so we had to stand in the North Bank. It was from this vantage point that I saw Roberts make one of the most cynical and heinous tackles I have witnessed in person. Charlie Nicholas – the Glaswegian darling of Highbury at the time – was attempting to break down the left wing, 25 yards out from our penalty box, on the East Stand side.  Roberts, seeing what was happening, charged, rhino-like, over towards Nicholas, who seeing it coming cleverly pushed the ball in front. This would not deter Roberts, a player for whom the term antediluvian could have been invented, and he simply ran full-pelt into Nicholas. Now Roberts must have been 6’1” and 15 stones.  He struck Nicholas with such force that he was quite literally thrown sideways over into the crowd. This must have been at least a 6-foot sideways distance so you can imagine the force deployed. Now at the time, this side of the ground was low to the pitch. Not only that, but it was called “The Schoolboys” as those under 16 could get in there for half the price of the North Bank.  Nicholas slammed into the poor unfortunates there. There could have been serious injuries to both player and youngsters, but fortunately there weren’t. As if to show that PGMOL or whatever they are called this week, is absolutely no improvement on what went before, Roberts wasn’t even booked. 

Roberts cleared off to Glasgow Rangers in 1986. The timing was perfect, as on 4th March 1987 in the second leg of the League Cup semi-final, a now Roberts-less Sp*rs capitulated to a Rocky Rocastle goal, at The Lane, sealing our victory and paving the way for our ultimate victory that year at Wembley. Of course, the cherry on the cake was that at half time the Sp*rs stadium announcer belted out details of how their fans could get tickets for the final. Spursy! Balance had been restored and all was once again good with the world

We close this look at those we have loathed and lost (or in Kane’s case , temporarily mislaid) with Bathgooner’s look at one of our most implacable and irritating opponents 

Wayne Rooney by bathgooner

I chose to write about Wayne Rooney as Arsenal’s Nemesis (I prefer to use the term Bête Noir) because of two episodes that remain deep scars on my memory of watching the Arsenal over many years. Although there are several candidates for that title, these Rooney generated scars remain the deepest and least healed.

In early 2002, there had been chatter in the football media about a ‘boy wonder’ at Everton. On 19 October 2002, Arsenal visited Goodison as Double-winning Champions on a 30 game Premier League unbeaten streak. Freddie Ljungberg opened the scoring in the 8th minute and another routine victory seemed to be on the cards but Radzinski equalised for Everton after 22 minutes.

The game seemed to be heading for a 1-1 draw when Moyes threw on 16-year old Wayne Rooney in the 80th minute. Nine minutes later, a high ball forward found Rooney 30 yards from goal. He took the ball down sweetly, had two more touches then unleashed a curling right-footed shot past Sol Campbell and over the outstretched arms of David Seaman. The ball clipped the underside of the bar and nestled in the net. That goal ended Arsenal’s unbeaten run and appeared to knock the team’s confidence to a ridiculous degree causing them to lose their next four matches. It also briefly made Rooney the Premier League’s youngest goalscorer and launched his Premiership career. Arsenal finished that season in second place, 5 points behind Ferguson’s United with whom they had, almost exclusively, been boxing and coxing for the title since 1998.

By 2004, Rooney had decamped to United and on 24 October, Arsenal visited the Old Toilet not only as defending Champions but also as ‘The Invincibles’ with a proud unbeaten run lasting 49 games. Just one more unbeaten game and they’d achieve the 50-game milestone. There was little doubt that Arsenal’s achievement of an unbeaten season rankled in Manchester, rendering the atmosphere hostile and the game ferocious with the execrable Mike Riley failing to deal with several, now notorious, violent challenges from the home team who saw brute force as the only way to constrain Arsenal’s fluid passing game. The match remained goalless until the 73rd minute when Rooney drove into the right side of Arsenal’s penalty area. As Campbell closed him down and extended a leg, Rooney dived. Riley immediately pointed to the spot without pausing for thought. TV replays showed minimal to no contact but this was long before VAR. Van Nistelroy scored the penalty and celebrated wildly, reflecting, no doubt, on his Keown-celebrated miss the season before. Arsenal threw everything into getting an equaliser but were caught on a breakaway in the 93rd minute when Rooney sealed a 2-0 win with a tap-in. Of course, it didn’t end there, this officially sanctioned episode of grand larceny was followed by Pizza-gate, but that is another story. 

That result derailed Arsenal’s attempt to defend their title. Before this match, Arsenal had looked unstoppable, winning 8 of their opening 9 games. Whether through the shattering of their sense of invincibility or poisoned by a massive sense of injustice, Arsenal’s form collapsed and they won only 2 of their next 7 league games, allowing Mourinho’s Chelsea to overtake them and win the title by 12 points.

Thus, this whiny Scouse twerp had contributed significantly to thwarting Arsenal from retaining the title on two separate occasions.

Rooney went on to play for United for another 13 years becoming their all-time leading goal scorer with 253 goals in 559 appearances and he did win a few trophies. He played against the Arsenal 35 times and scored 15 goals , making 7 assists. Towards the end of his playing career, Rooney acquired the highly appropriate soubriquet of Shrek and, no doubt at huge expense, a very strange hairstyle.

After a one season swan-song at Everton and a brief spell at DC United, he moved on to coaching. Rooney has repeatedly proved his inadequacy as a coach at every club that succumbed to the temptation of employing him in order to garner some publicity: Derby County (85 matches, 28% wins); D.C. United (54 matches, 26% wins); Birmingham City (15 matches, 13% wins) and Plymouth Argyle (25 matches, 20% wins). I suppose one has to admire his determination, tenacity and mural dyslexia.

Now that even he has recognised that his attempts to coach have hit the buffers, and despite his frequently incomprehensible attempts at communication, Wayne Rooney has recently been appointed to the Match of the Day panel of pundits and seems to be the physical embodiment of the modern decline of the BBC. Although, it has been suggested, with reference to a modicum of apocryphal evidence, that Wayne may actually be a secret genius but does not possess a way with words.