With the news that our leader has been laid low, how are our players dealing with the corona virus? Well each has his own technique …..
Bernd Leno – tried to catch the virus but couldn’t quite hold on to the little blighters. Eventually decided to punch the bugs, rushed off his line and accidentally punched Richarlison in the face – so the virus isn’t all bad.
Shkodran Mustafi – decided to slide into a crowd of bugs and scythe them all down – mistimed his slide and got infected through every orifice before turning to David Luiz to blame him for his stupidity.
Just at that moment Luiz almost involuntarily threw out an arm and caught a shower of bugs flying from Guendouzi’s billowing hair as he ran late and aimlessly past the hapless centre back.
Kieran Tierney – has been self isolating in the treatment room for over two months and has therefore successfully avoided contamination .
Hector Bellerin – like Tierney has undergone weeks of treatment room isolation. Has recently returned to action on the pitch but has so far failed to get near enough to any opposition forwards for contamination to be a possibility.
Alexandre Lacazette – despite a number of bugs trying to land on the centre forward, they have all bounced off him and landed at least a very safe four metres away.
Mesut Özil – has such a clear picture of where all the bugs are, he has appeared to be able to avoid any contact and has successfully made himself invisible to his would be attackers. The virus calls him The Ghost.
Granit Xhaka – simply walked towards a crowd of bugs assembled at the side of the pitch and told them all to “Fuck off!” Despite badly aggravating the bugs into a frenzy of activity, it seems they decided to leave him alone and let him play on unaffected.
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang – constantly switches position from one side of the pitch to the other, so that the bugs have no idea where to find him.
Reiss Nelson – has only allowed himself to be seen on the pitch for a few minutes at the time. When he does get out there, he appears to either use Mikel Arteta as a shield or runs so fast the bugs can’t catch him.
Any more contributions in the drinks please!
We know this is serious, but you’ve still got to laugh!
Great stuff Trev. Hilarious!
Funny doesn’t cover it, well done Trev!
get in, trev. too much fun 🙂 love the pic at the front.
bukayo saka – the bugs can’t get in front of him or track him down, and it must be part vampire because he’s keeping the bugs at bay with all his crosses. helping the other players stay healthy with all his assists.
Fun one, Dr. T 🙂
Lucas Torreira – The bugs all flew over his head without noticing him as he was out of the jet stream.
Excellent stuff Trev. Love the pic too. From chief punner to team bugger. Quite a promotion.
Cheers fellas !
Still need a chuckle in difficult times.
The picture was Countryman’s work 👍
It appears that only the games in the top four tiers of English football have been suspended, meaning matches in the fifth-tier National League and below are still scheduled to be played. Good news for the popularity of the National League I would think, except they are saying there may be no promotion or relegation this year so their top clubs’ efforts may be a bit fruitless in the end. Here is the league table anyway for you addicts.
https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/national-league/table
Plenty of clubs in the National League that have seen better days.
bt8b: The Southern League, which is in tier seven of the English football pyramid, has cancelled its fixtures for at least the next week.
https://www.betvictorsouthern.co.uk/News/123927/ALL-SOUTHERN-LEAGUE-MATCHES-POSTPONED
I think we actually played Notts
County in the league one year
– how the so-so have fallen.
Loved the picture Trev/C100!
Reminded me of John Jacobs in
the tv show that I just forgot the
name of.
I’ll just wipe me arse on me hands if I run out. I’m spending half me life obsessively washing them anyway, so might as well kill two birds with one stone. 🙂
And if the season is suspended for so long it will be voided, there’s a simple solution. It’s one I hate, but someone with a keen brain for business (and betting) should already have thought of it.
If this happens, I demand 20%.
Here goes.
Play the rest of the season as an eSports tournament. Clubs nominate their player, they stay in their cruddy room at home and play the fixtures out that way. Even as an unofficial thing for the lols it would make cash. Minus my 20%
You read the idea here first folks 😉
Excellent,Trev.
OM@10: we have played Notts County 46 times over the years. Most recently in a First Division league game in 1992.
Quick work there Ned.
I remembered the League games in
early 80s. Completely forgot the
season in the 90s.
Who’d of thought we’d have a losing
record against Notts County after
46 games.
Cheers Trev, we need a chuckle in these times at present.
I believe Notts County were one of the original founders of the football league. Sol Campbell, once of this parish, had a fleeting relationship with them – all of 29 days.
The monks never sleep, OM.
As a historical footnote, our last defeat by Notts County was in 1983 featuring an appearance by one of the forgotten names of Arsenal football, Vladimir Petrovic. A club legend at Red Star Belgrade, he joined us in January 1983, a couple of seasons after Liam Brady had departed for Italy and was seen as the long-term replacement for him in the side. But it didn’t work out. Petrovic played just 22 cup and league games and left for Royal Antwerp that summer.
But the National League, whose games are to be played today in smaller venues than the leagues above it, has dissenters on the question of playing despite the coronavirus. York City and Altrincham cancelled their match, and Chesterfield criticised the policy.
https://www.skysports.com/football/news/11095/11957334/coronavirus-chesterfield-criticise-national-league-decision-to-continue-playing
Re: NBN @9. I had a look at the Southern League clubs and decided my allegiance is to Taunton Town, just for the punning potential. 🙂
In any case, that league’s policy is an interesting middle ground. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the National League discontinue playing after today, but we shall see.
The most important question* is … How much of a discount are we going to get from Sky, now they’re not giving us the service we’re paying for? No live sport means no point having the package.
*Apart from “Where on Earth can I get a nine pack of Cushelle for under £50?”
Petrovic was an odd one Ned.
I saw him play for us a few times
that season and thought he was
ok but off the pace, then he just
disappeared…..
I wondered what was happening
behind the scenes but I suppose
we’ll never know.
The National League South has Dorking Wanderers whose name has humorous potential.
Woulda said Wandering Dorks but it seemed a bit obvious. Oh well.
Notts County 1-0 Eastleigh at halftime. It turns out Eastleigh is near Southampton, for the non-geographically inclined readers.
Cracking piece about Bukayo Saka in The Athletic
https://theathletic.com/1669862/2020/03/12/saka-bukayo-arsenal/?source=shared-article
A paywall for news is The Work of the Devil.
Sometimes to read the good stuff you have to pay for it Cynic.
bt8 @25,
If you are “geographically inclined” I believe that means you are going uphill..😳
But not to worry cos what goes up must ……😉
Great thanks to all who put together the Blog 2.0. Much appreciated. Wish we had proper football to discuss instead the virus and battles over toilet paper. In the US they are replaying the match between us and Sp*rs earlier the season. At least something to watch during the interlulls of all interlulls. Thanks again!!
Howdy gedo. 🙂
Full-time update: Notts County 4 0 Eastleigh. Eastleigh still located near Southampton, best i can tell. Likewise for the question of nearby hills and inclines, google maps being inaccessible at the moment. Should be enough excitement for a few weeks at least.🤧🤧
Jon Wil’s take on Maureen. No pay wall Cynic, but I’m sure you’re a member anyway.
https://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2020/mar/14/spurs-jose-mourinho-josefication-mauricio-pochettino-architects-own-crisis?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=twt_gu&utm_medium&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1584214480
Sorry cut his name off. Jon Wilson.
Good to see you in, Gedo. And a belated welcome back to some drinkers of old who have wandered into the new place only to find many of the same old nutters already there.
bt8@20: Your Southern League allegiance should be to Hendon, not least because it was the home patch of Clive, aka Goonersince54, and one or two more ‘holics, I think. Ray Parlour did a fundraiser for the club a couple of weeks back. There are quite a few Hendon-Arsenal links. Herbert Chapman lived in Hendon when he managed Arsenal and is buried in the parish church. Denis Compton, who, along with his brother Leslie, played for the club either side of World War 2, was born there. The two teams also used to meet in the long-defunct London Challenge Cup. Hendon played at Highbury twice in the competition and won both times.
Great article from C100@32.
I particularly liked the line “Where other managers might try to find ways of winning a game, Mourinho looks to find ways of deflecting the blame for a loss”.
COYG
To be fair – and I can think of no reason why I should, but that’s the kind of guy I am – Wilson appears to have a long history of writing articles highly critical of Mourinho. A Google search for a“Jonathan Wilson Mourinho” turned up a raft of them.
I couldn’t dredge up the enthusiasm to read them all, but the titles seemed to tell a story.
COYG
I’m sure you’re a member
I’ve been called one many times, albeit in coarser terms.
How to count off the 20 seconds when washing your hands, the Mustafi way:
http://www.instagram.com/p/B9uJmdIlXN-/
Why do footballer’s kitchens always look as if no one ever cooks in them?
Impressive multitasking there by Mustafi. Admirable, even.
His kids cleared off before the sliding tackle came in, though.
Cheers, all! Glad to see the regulars back at the bar. Haven’t back drunk except for the first post, but after seeing all the jazz fluff* I feel the need to channel my inner cba:
*meant jokingly and no offence intended as I am also fan of the jazz but missing some of the gems that cba posted
Good to see you in the new bar ecg.
We do indeed need to channel the musical and idiosyncratic spirit of cba.
We would like to assure patrons that, even in the event of emergency powers kicking in like in France and Spain, this virtual bar will remain open, with new articles, even if there is no actual football to write about. Our next article will be up tomorrow. I hope, like me, you have sufficient stocks of the important things in life (red wine, cheese) to keep you fed and watered while you read.
To see announcements of new articles, either keep checking here or, for those of you who dabble with social media, follow @countryman100 or@bathgooner on Twitter. Retweets appreciated.
PS – anyone seen Clive?
Coronavirus Latest –
In response to the chaos in our supermarkets, the following restrictions have been announced –
Sainsbury’s – 12 Hand sanitizers, 9 Toilet rolls, 6 bars soap each, Maximum
Tesco – 10 Hand sanitizers, 8 Toilet rolls, 4 bars soap each, Maximum
Morrisons – 6 Hand sanitizers, 18 Toilet rolls, ,8 bars soap each, Maximum
Aldi – 2 Trumpets, 1 Diving Suit, 1 MIG Welder each, Maximum
😳
The answer to your question @ 39 is the last 6 words of your question 😏
Touché, Trev.
Enjoyed your article Trev , while I love the game I’ve always been attracted like you to the humorous elements of it and boy do we need humour nowadays! As is well known I would have been crueller on Xhaka who would have moved sideways at a snails pace towards the bugs and then failed to locate them .
It looks like I will be spending four months here beginning quite soon. If that is the case I imagine we will be looking at a new season possibly beginning in late August or September which won’t give us time to finish this one.
I suspect we will have a bigger division with 22 clubs and 42 games, five teams relegated, same European qualification as last year ( which makes it interesting with Manchester City’s situation as we finished fifth! ) , no Cup replays and possibly no midwinter break . Sky will get the extra games free. We may even see the Carabao Cup played as a preseason tournament as they won’t be jetting off all over the world . Much will depend on rates of infection . As the World Cup in Qatar in 2022 will necessitate a reorganisation if the programme we could see January to September football in the European leagues .Tgat would suggest a serious continuing infection problem and financially it would kill smaller clubs .
When we used to model catastrophe scenarios in my days as an insurance exec we never envisaged anything quite so savage as this – we are looking at football but the world’s commercial activity is completely unhinged .
The change from awarding 3 points for a win rather than 2 was made, as I recall, to reduce the number of draws and to give teams greater incentive to play attacking football. This season’s Premier League table shows considerable retrogression in the number of draws compared to last season. This season’s leaders over 29 matches: Arsenal 13, Wolves 13, Brighton 11, Sheffield United 10, Manchester United 9, Crystal Palace 9, Watford 9, Tottenham 8, Newcastle 8; as opposed to last season’s draw leaders over all 38 matches: Southampton 12, Chelsea 9, Manchester United 9, Wolves 9, Everton 9, Newcastle 9, Brighton 9, Watford 8.
Can Unai Emery be completely to blame?
Is the half century going free? OK then
TTG @48. I dunno but it sounds like a scheduling nightmare. Like a lot of organizations in other walks of life will be facing, now that the cancellations have set in big time. Well in c100 at the half century, cba would have been proud of you. 🙂
The banality and naïveté of many football websites is on full display since the season was halted last week and there is nothing to write about. Absolutely stupid transfer deals are being mooted for next season. Apart from the fact we don’t know when next season will be , where do they think the money will come from? Sky will be very reticent to invest huge amounts after this season’s experience. Every team will have lost massive amounts of money and the general economic meltdown may make season ticket sales much harder to achieve as people have been so hard hit. Arsenal are going to find it hard to shift season tickets in June with the uncertainty around . Players may have to take a hit in salaries to help clubs survive but one doubts they will be willing to do so. Agents will still take millions out of a game that jus5 can’t afford it . If we have no European football next season , we lose the rest of this season and start again in say September with a lower TV deal then we will struggle to sign Mustafi’s granny .
Mustafi’s granny might still be more mobile that Xhaka, though, TTG 🙂
You raise a huge question @52, TTG. The current TV rights deals runs to 2022, so the league will have some financial protection. However, whether those contracts are worth the paper they are printed on. What would allow Sky, BT and Amazon in the UK and NBC and a host of other international rights acquirers to claim that the Premier League is in breach of contract? I would guess that not completing a season would count. I am sure there are highly paid lawyers on both sides scouring through the small print even as I type. I also wonder who holds what business disruption insurance. But you are certainly right that there are huge financial implications for the game in the pandemic. TV rights alone are worth $3 billion globally.
No clear evidence that dogs
can get Covid19 yet. And they
love chasing a ball. Can the
Super Duper Pooper Scooper
Premier League be far behind?
First non live sport weekend and I’m climbing the walls already.
Might cheer myself up by watching Threads tomorrow night.
Never saw this clip about Cazorla before, but it has some great insights into a wonderfully dynamic person and player.
Working on my social distortioning tonight…
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