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Chew the Toffees Over Again & Spit Them Out

Feb 28th, 2023 by

Dennis Bergkamp scores Arsenal’s sixth goal against Everton during the Premiership match at Highbury on 11 May 2005. Arsenal won 7-0.

It seems just yesterday that we played the blue half of Merseyside in a maelstrom of Dyche-inspired energy and Scouse hysteria when we didn’t display the poise necessary to take a point, let alone all three. That set-back was the beginning of a rocky spell for this young Arsenal team who had not only surprised us by garnering a record points harvest to top the league at Christmas but also, until that wobble, by maintaining their momentum despite the loss of Gabriel Jesús, their early season talisman. That Everton game was the first of three consecutive league fixtures from which we took a solitary point from nine and this provoked doubts among the faithful and predictable predictions of decline and ‘wheels falling off’ from the usual critics.

In fact, we have had an ‘Indian Sign’ over both Everton and Dyche over the years. On a head to head since our first meeting in April 1905, we have beaten Everton 109 times, drawn 46 and lost 65. Since the Premier League’s inception (everyone knows that socca only began in 1992), we have played Everton 30 times at our place and won 23, drawn 5 and lost 2 scoring an aggregate of 68 goals and conceding 22. Turning to their dysphonic coach, Dyche has taken on the Arsenal 16 times and has a record of 2 wins, 3 draws and 11 defeats with an aggregate of 7 goals scored and 27 conceded. Of course, only one of those games on Dyche’s record against the Arsenal involved Everton: that 1-0 aberration just a couple of weeks ago. Normal relations with both must be resumed.

After 24 games, Everton come into this fixture sitting in the relegation places at 18th with 21 points from 5 wins and 6 draws, having scored the league’s lowest goal tally at 17. Their tally of 32 goals conceded is more ‘mid-table’ and 12thbest in the league. Clearly Everton’s primary problem is scoring goals. In their Premier League home games this season they have 4 wins, 2 draws and 6 defeats scoring 11 and conceding 16 and their away form is worse with a solitary win, 5 draws and 6 defeats, with 6 goals scored and 16 conceded. 

Since Dyche took charge Everton’s numbers have improved a tad. Twenty games pre-Dyche yielded 3 wins and 6 draws with 15 goals scored and 30 conceded while 4 games under Dyche yielded 2 wins and 2 losses with 2 goals scored and 4 conceded. Dyche has improved Everton’s defensive organisation and midfield competitiveness as we recently discovered to our cost but without yet finding the key to scoring goals. I hope that key continues to elude him. Everton’s recent game against Villa demonstrated both their defensive obstinacy and their impotence in attack – a soft second half penalty broke the deadlock in that game and the final 2-0 score considerably flatters Villa. That was a much tighter game than that scoreline suggests.

We can expect an identical Everton to the one that we encountered at Goodison and a close doppelganger for the Burnley team we grew to despise. Everton are desperate for points, will fight for every ball, will cross the line physically at every opportunity and will hope for a decisive set piece or two to steal as many points from the game as the referee will allow them. Certainly, against Villa, set pieces were again their only real threat and in the absence of Calvert-Lewin with a hamstring injury sustained against us (which I expect to continue), the execrable Maupay (1 goal in his last 28 games) led their line in the guise of an isolated leper. I hope that Ramsdale has on body armour and has had a prophylactic shot or two of antibiotics. The rest of the Everton team is as predictable as their tactics which will focus entirely on stopping us playing and hoping for a lucky break from a set piece. They will line up in a 4-5-1 with a solid back four of Coleman, Coady, Tarkowski and Mykolenko who will make high balls into the box a futile venture. Doucouré, Gueye and Onana, three big units, will provide a central obstacle, with menace, to attempts by Ødegaard, Xhaka, Trossard/Nketiah and Partey/Jorginho to strut their stuff, weave patterns and control the game. Iwobi and McNeil will provide width in midfield and support occasional attacks but will also frequently double-up with their full-back against our wingmen.

Thanks to the team’s sterling work at Villa and Leicester and the unexpected contribution of Nottingham Forest, the Arsenal sit back on top of the pile, 2 points ahead of the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC (© Lonestar Gooner) with a game (this game) in hand. Our selection is now less predictable than it has been of late which is helpful as the recent predictability of our forward line in particular has made it easier for the likes of Dyche to set up his team to blunt our attack. I was impressed with our performance at Leicester apart from our minimal chance creation but particularly by Trossard’s link play as a false nine (as well as by his beautifully curved but disallowed goal) and also by Jorginho’s control of midfield, his eye for a pass and his progressive passing (that long pass out of our half to Saka running behind the Leicester defence was exquisite and deserved a much better outcome).

Despite Jorginho’s MotM performance I expect Partey, if there is no reaction to his brief cameo against Leicester, to regain his starting position in an attempt to match Everton’s midfield muscle. It will be interesting to see who Arteta chooses to start – could he give Jorginho the Xhala role to shake things up as the Swiss has looked leggy of late? On the other hand, Jorginho could certainly be a very effective addition late in the game if we are trying to see it out. I personally think Trossard has earned his opportunity to reprise his ‘false nine’ role as his ball control, trickery and swift interplay, particularly with Martinelli, should give Everton’s lumbering hulks problems. Towards the end of the Leicester game, I spotted Benjamin White, that very naughty boy, repeatedly rubbing a hamstring so I suspect Tomiyasu may start this game. Hence, barring unexpected problems arising from the Leicester game (thinking especially of the stamp on Martinelli’s knee) I expect to see a starting XI of:

Ramsdale

Tomiyasu Saliba Gabriel Zinchenko

Ødegaard Partey Xhaka

Saka Trossard Martinelli

On the basis of our home record against Everton in the Premier League, I’m predicting a 3-1 victory for the Arsenal though I would love another clean sheet and a reprise of the 7-0 from May 2005 would send me into orbit! I expect our players to be determined to make amends for that result at Goodison and Mikel Arteta and Martin Ødegaard said as much this week. I also expect Trossard to be determined to score his second PL goal for the Arsenal to make up for the fine one that was chalked off at the weekend. I don’t know what the odds are on either a 3-1 win or a Trossard goal because this Holic Pound is still going to Ukraine.

This fixture was postponed as a result of HM The Queen’s sudden demise, RIP. Most teams had a single fixture postponed but Arsenal had two matches postponed: the recent home game against the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC and this one.  Thus, this fixture is that longstanding ‘game in hand’ that we’ve had over the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC and most other teams chasing us. We simply have to win it! 

A contributing factor to our defeat at Goodison was the noisy, hostile home crowd. We have to reciprocate at the top of our voices and carry the Arsenal team on a wave of Gooner noise to deliver their maximum performance and another crucial victory. I’ll be there and will be hoarse by half time.

GO WIN, ARSENAL!

Enjoy the game, Holics.

COYG

Posted in Match Preview | 41 Drinks »

Defense. Resiliance. Togetherness.

Feb 26th, 2023 by

After the historically famous 1-0 scoreline away at Leicester in the 24th matchday, on 25th Febraury, of Arsenal’s 22-23 Premier League season, the discussions in the Arsenal universe have been centered mostly round the goals scored, including the ones chalked out by VAR, the penalty not given, one of the brightest talents in world football in Saka being kicked from pillar to post by opposition defenders and not getting any protection from the referees, the performances of Jorginho and Trossard reaffirming the astuteness of Arsenal’s recent form in the transfer market.

While acknowledging those all, I also would like to pay some extra attention to our defensive performance. Arsenal restricted Leicester at their own home ground to only two shots, zero of them on target, and the now ubiquitously used – but sometimes still befuddlingly confusing – xG ratio being a record-setting low of 0.02 in the PL.

It may be easy to write that off as the outcome of Leicester’s attacking inefficacy, especially in the absence of their creative spark in James Maddison. But they still started with Iheanacho, Harvey Barnes, Tetê and Dewsbury-Hall, just last week away at Old Trafford the frontline gave the currently high-flying Manchester United a difficult time and if not for some excellent saves by De Gea they would have scored a few goals. I found that the Leicester attacking was made to look toothless by the excellence of Arsenal’s own individual and collective defensive efforts, which we can sometimes overlook and take for granted, especially given how consistently high quality the midfield and attack have been until now.

The last few weeks were anomalous in terms of Arsenal’s defensive solidity, conceding seven goals in the last four league matches, and that kind of slide towards midtable porousness – in addition to bringing back the memories of the traumatic seasons of recent past that are replete with horrifying examples of defensive Seppuku – if not arrested quickly can completely derail even the most promising of seasons. It was gratifying to see the collective discipline and effort in ensuring that neither space nor time on the ball are conceded to the opposition, and that collective being complemented by a serenely composed demonstration of the defensive arts by our central defensive pair, Saliba and Gabriel. It can be easy to overlook their pivotal contributions towards Arsenal’s impressive consistency this season, especially given the sparkling football we have often played in the opposition half, but just a quick look back at our recent past should be enough to not take their innate quality or their exceptional consistency for granted.

The themes of resilience and solidarity were very much in the hearts and minds of many people – including this scribe — around the world who were watching the match on the ground or in their living rooms. Arsenal lined up with Oleksandr Zinchenko as the captain even though the Norwegian maestro Martin Ødegaard, our regular captain, started the match as well. Whereas Zinchenko – the captain of Ukrainian national team and a player of singular tactical sophistication and inspiring attitude – is one of the natural leaders in this squad, who along with his friend Gabriel Jesus has brought a winning nous to this group of supremely talented players committed to the cause, the prestigious Arsenal armband was also awarded to him to empathize with and respect the indomitable Ukrainians. Ukrainians who even after one year of the dastardly and brutal acts of aggression by their neighbor — who ostensibly are worthy of being considered a leader among nations if the centuries long propaganda are to be believed, though it must be said that finally the scales are now falling off many peoples’ eyes — remain proudly defiant and extraordinarily resilient in a manner that one hopes would inspire the rest of the world to insist on the core values of sovereignty and national autonomy that we all hope should remain the foundational pillars of world affairs. Some skeptics might say gestures like this are meaningless, but I disagree. It may not immediately alleviate the pain and suffering of the millions of Ukrainians at their homes or displaced by the war, but given the reach of PL – most watched sports league in the world with an estimated TV audience of nearly 4 billion people in 600+ million homes – watching Zinchenko leading the Arsenal team in wearing an armband of Ukrainian flag colors would inspire curiosity and solidarity, especially in young minds, and maybe some of them when they grow up to be leaders in their own fields would carry on those inspiration towards a fairer and just world.

Mikel tweaked Arsenal’s starting eleven from the last weekend’s away victory at another midlands ground. Eddie Nketiah – relentlessly energetic though he has been since starting to lead the line following Jesus’s world cup injury – has started to underperform a bit especially in terms of defining output, and he was replaced by the Belgian Leandro Trossard who since his January signing has impressed with how quickly he has fit into the quality on and off the ball that are expected from Arteta’s attackers. He also brings in a degree of more PL experience compared to Arsenal’s young Turks who have started to miss the leadership and craft of Jesus. Partey was fit enough to be back on the bench, but another January signing Jorginho retained his position after a couple of truly impressive performances at the heart of the midfield. He is not quite a like-for-like replacement of Partey, but a combination of footballing intelligence and passing range makes him an effective enough replacement to allow Arsenal to bring Partey back to the fold in a more measured manner, without risking the kind of repetition injuries that have unfortunately linited his otherwise outsized contributions in the last couple of seasons.

Ramsdale

White – Saliba – Gabriel – Zinchenko

Jorginho – Xhaka

Saka – Ødegaard – Martinelli

Trossard

The match started with Arsenal dominating the possession, controlling the midfield, passing easily through the lines and building from the back with aesthetically pleasing patterns. Trossard and Martinelli combined well on the left. Xhaka has lately run out of steam a bit in that left sided number 8 role after a barnstorming start to the season, but he recycled the ball well with Zinchenko continuing to play that floating “extra man” role in all pockets of spaces in the entire left half of the field, sometimes even veering to the right. But, however smooth the passing and movement were until the red-and-white brigade arrived around the penalty box, the final pass or touch or short continued to elude Arsenal and it felt like one of those matches where we would simply fail to create enough to claim an assertive victory. In situations like these an individual moment of genius often helps to unlock the defense, and such a moment was hard to come by with Ødegaard being just a little less influential than his absolute best, and Saka was being assaulted by a multitude of defenders with impunity. A lot has been discussed and written about the latter, and there is not much for me to add. Except this: English football authorities would do well to remember that England has not really been blessed with many players of Saka’s caliber on and off the ball and to have one of those cups to actually come home one of these days the England national team will need players like him.

Then did come a moment of inspiration. There was another corner – our effectiveness from corners has dropped noticeably in the recent weeks – that the Leicester goalkeeper Ward punched one handed, Xhaka controlled the ball and passed neatly to Trossard near the edge of the penalty box. The Belgian cleverly set the ball up on his right foot to rifle in an unstoppable finish through the defense on to the roof of the net past Ward’s outstretched hands. It was a quality goal from a player who is very quickly becoming a key member of the ensemble.

But then VAR intervened. Benjamin White looked to have impeded Ward by grabbing on to his hand. I myself have no problem in that decision to disallow the goal because of that foul; I just hope that degree of rigor in applying the rule of law is seen consistently, especially when it comes to getting the correct decision awarded in our favor.

That dream of consistency evaporated a few moments later when from another goalmouth action Leicester’s defender Souttar hauled Saka down to the ground in one sweeping action that would have been applauded for its obvious efficacy in a wrestling ring. Probably the VAR official was transported into one such ring in his daydreams and failed to react. There are times when you can forgive even a group of such committed professionals like the Arsenal players to lose the control of their emotions a bit when they are at the receiving end of one more such atrocious refereeing inconsistency. The team lost the composure just a little bit as the first half came to a somewhat disorganized end, but they looked to have regained the focus and discipline once the second half started.

Gabriel and Saliba maintain a very high defensive line which sometimes may lead to the odd goal or two being conceded, but this allows us to create quick transitions into attack. The goal – Arsenal’s first ever goal in the opening minute of the second half in PL – came because of the effectiveness of such a high line. Gabriel won the possession and without delaying sent a lovely lofted pass the Trossard who had drifted towards the left byline. Even before the moment Trossard cushioned the ball on his feet Martinelli had started his diagonal sprint cutting across two lines of Leicester defense. Trossard spotted – or anticipated – the run and deftly carried the ball forward before releasing a perfect pass through the legs of a Leicester defender onto Martinelli’s path, who rolled the ball in with a flawless finish inside the rear post. It was an assist of exceptional quality, and deserved that finish. The Arsenal faithful were deprived of Martinelli’s typically joyous celebrations as immediately after scoring the goal Ndidi – still on his recovering run – couldn’t stop himself before stamping onto Gabi’s knee. I understand it was unintentional, but a little bit more consideration for the well-being of fellow professionals is surely expected at this level of sports? Fortunately the worst fears about that injury didn’t come true and Martinelli recovered quickly enough to continue his participation.

Leicester City 0 – Arsenal 1 (Martinelli 46’)

He has lately been a little subdued in his output in the final third, but not in his relentless efforts and boundless energy, and in the first half of this match there were a few moments when the Martinelli of the first half of the season would have crafted real goalscoring opportunities, so hopefully this goal – coming at the back of his counter-attacking one in the last minute of the Aston Villa match last weekend – would help to bring him back close to his best, even before Gabriel Jesus returns back.

Arsenal scored another goal, this time Martinelli breaking the lines and setting up a precise cut-back for a simple tap-in for Saka. But the offside flag went up against the Brazilian, and even though VAR looked at it – in TV replays there was not enough scrutiny for that decision, no lines being drawn etc. – the initial offside decision stood.

After that the game became a little disjoined. Leicester made a series of substitutions, some of them familiar annoyances from past battles, and even though they fail to overcome the supreme poise and reading of the game of our magnificent defensive duo, the assaults in various part of the field continued. Credit to Arsenal players that despite the provocations they kept the necessary measure of cool and saw out the match without any scare. Arteta brought in Nketiah for Trossard and Eddie did a fair job of holding the ball with his back to the goal, Partey came in for Ødegaard in the 85th minute to help see out the final minutes, in which Tomiyasu came in for Zinchenko to shore up the left side. Our captain for the day left with what must have been one of his more memorable days on the field — leading the team he supported in his boyhood growing up in Radomyshl, a small but historic town in the Ukrainian heartland of Zhytomyr Oblast, and leading us to a victory – and I hope that before the next 24th February comes along he would be celebrating victories for the club he now so admirably represents, and for his nation that represents the values of a free, fair and democratic world so admirably.

Posted in Match Report | 22 Drinks »

‘And Leicester’ Quest for Title-Winning Consistency

Feb 23rd, 2023 by

On Saturday afternoon the Gunners trek to the East Midlands city of ‘And Leicester’ in search of the grail of high-calibre consistency.  As a wise old soul once said, you can’t win the title unless you pound the lower league clubs like Leicester into submission.  Another test of this famous maxim stares us in the face.  

In this, their first of 15 remaining league fixtures, the Arsenal will look to expand on the platform they built last week in their dramatic 4-2 victory at Villa Park, which followed a rough patch of four straight winless games in league and cup.  Their top-of-the-table stay had been interrupted before Arsenal’s come-from-behind win and Manchester City’s late concession at Forest restored the Gunners’ lead to two points with a game in hand.

The most worrying part of the four game rough patch was that opposition managers seemed to have exposed Arsenal’s Achilles heel, and begun to copy each other’s tactics.  Even Pep Guardiola borrowed from the Sean Dyche playbook, deploying Bernardo Silva to kick Saka off the park in the league fixture as Arsenal limited Citeh to 37% possession but couldn’t handle their quick counterattacks that turned the game.  Mikel Arteta will have been thinking about these things, and let’s hope we see some new growth popping up out of the frozen ground, as it were.

As Art de Roché wrote in The Athletic about last week’s match, Arsenal’s uneven performance left unanswered questions defensively “but they proved they can slug it out, and every league title winner needs to do that occasionally.  With a week until they return to action against Leicester City, the focus moves to raising their levels for 90 minutes, not just a half.”  Such a sustained and determined display is exactly what the players and fans need to recognize the steel of champions as the title race gets serious.

‘And Leicester’

As a supporter from afar, for years I wondered about the meaning of the phrase “And Leicester” — which those of you in the know used to toss around loosely in the old Goonerholic bar as if anybody reading it would fall down dying in hysterical laughter.  Once or twice I even looked up the phrase to see if I could learn its meaning without revealing myself as a neophyte but my searches came up with little useful information.  To my surprise, when I looked it up this time I found a comment by a Leicester fan, ‘Pork Pie Fox’ by name, recalling a theory about the inspiration of a song that was sung (probably still is) by Arsenal supporters headed to the East Midlands.  This Pork Pie fella recalled that “when fans from London headed north the signs on the road used to say ‘The North and Leicester’ and it basically came from there.”

“We all follow the Arsenal,

Over land and sea, and Leicester!

We all follow the Arsenal,

Onto victory!”

Should we win on Saturday or even if we don’t, each and all should raise a glass to Dave Faber, the Goonerholic himself, who chimed in on this question in his Aug. 30, 2014 preview entitled “And Leicester” (of course).  The great man wrote: “I have waited until the final whistle has blown at Goodison before considering the preview of our trip to Leicester, hereinafter to be compulsorily referred to as And Leicester, in honour of the song we amended in the early seventies. Quite why things got so lively at And Leicester, both when we played there and when venturing further north through the station, I’m not entirely sure.”

For those of a certain age, the actual destination upon arrival in Leicester was Filbert Street, rather than the King Power Stadium of today so I looked for an apt picture of the old ground.  As I was leafing through scrapbooks I got sidetracked by this photo of Martin Keown, the man our roving correspondent c100 spotted last week in the TV studio atop the lower stand at Villa Park.  Well, that’s Keown in the photo remonstrating while Robbie Savage lies in an ignominious heap with grass-stained posterior pointing skyward (Lee Dixon offering moral support) in a nil-nil draw played at Filbert Street 22 years ago. 

The Opposition 

Earlier in the season it looked like Leicester might not even be a Premier League away day destination next year seeing as they were mired in the relegation spaces.  After eight matches played they were dead last in the table, and did not win their first league game until October 3rd, but three wins each in October and November saw them rise to mid-table relative comfort.  Recently, the former denizens of Filbert Street haven’t been doing too badly either, as relatively struggling teams that are about to play the Arsenal tend to improve suddenly for some reason.  In the last month the Foxes have not only won more often than not, they racked up the goals for fun in their 2-4 win at Villa on February 4th and in their hilarious 4-1 demolition of Tottenham Shitespur the following week, before last Sunday’s 3-0 defeat Old Trafford left them 14th in the table but only five points out of the relegation places.

I turned on Leicester’s game against the Red Mancs in the 65th minute, only to find that the match was effectively over as a contest, with the score 3-0 and the atmosphere languid.  In the next 35 minutes no Leicester player impressed unduly and the match ended without further scoring.  The commentators said Leicester played well in the first half and could have gone ahead if not for two excellent saves, but no doubt they are saving their luck for this week’s game, and the Gunners had best beware not to be ambushed again as they were at Everton.

Arsenal XI and All That Dough

Taking a punt that Lonestar may have been on to something last week when he wrote in this space that Vieira would start at Villa, I’m going out on a limb to predict that the man from Feira will start against the Foxes.  Xhaka must need a rest eventually, after all.  It is a bit easier to see the Portuguese starting after his assist on Gaby’s game-clincher at Villa, and in the light of his interview on the Arsenal official website, “Vieira on improving and adapting to life in London” — featured during the week.  But speaking of Feira as I was, Vieira’s home town has celebrated the fogaçeiras since the Middle Ages when people offered the fogaça, a sweet roll, to their patron saint to rid the region of the plague.  If Vieira scores the winning goal at Leicester, here’s what we’ll all be baking on Saturday night:

Other than the insertion of Vieira, the team that started at Villa should be the same one we see this week, with Xhaka still available if we need to tweak our personnel at any point.

Ramsdale

White — Saliba — Gabriel — Zinchenko 

Ødegaard — Jorginho — Vieira

Saka — Nketiah — Martinelli

The ‘holics pound

Arsenal to win is only available at oddschecker at 3/4 odds so if you want a challenge you might look at Martinelli to score first, which is available at 17/2.  Odd(s)ly, the odds for either Trossard or Smith Rowe (!) to score first are slightly lower, with both of them listed at 8/1.  I didn’t check the odds but a punt on Vieira to score first should also earn you some kneaded dough.  Curiously enough, each of Trossard, Smith Rowe and Vieira features in his own solo picture among this week’s 19 training photos on the official club website, so make of that what you will.  Disclaimer: Apologies if I misinterpreted the odds above, but I have hardly ever looked at those websites. 

But Arsenal to win sounds reasonable enough given a decent performance by our players and also by the men in the odd-colored shirts: Craig Pawson (referee) and Michael Salisbury (VAR).

Enjoy the game, ‘holics, and those who will be making the trek to ‘And Leicester’ please be sure that we can hear your voices across the pond!!

Posted in Match Preview | 88 Drinks »

The Bard of London Colney: A Tale

Feb 19th, 2023 by

 “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” Credit Apocalypse Now

In our last missive from the usually serene Western Front, your humble scribe and amateur military historian asked whether our Spanish general would spin a yarn of conquest or tragedy. Well, m’luds, I am pleased to report our Generalissimo Mikel (the San Sebastian Sun Tzu) outdid even the Great Bard of Avon himself weaving a tapestry of history, tragedy, and uproarious comedy. I must admit, however, the day began somewhat disconcertingly as matchday intelligence reports from some of our very own friends and patrons trickled in from Villa Park. The team line-ups were all wrong and the fare on offer included something described as Currywurst. My worst fears were coming to fruition…the Lonestar intelligence network was being overrun by exotic foods. As I packed Lonestar Gooner the Younger (hereinafter referred to as “LGtY”) into the truck for, what turned out to be, am unexpectedly long day of youth academy football, urgent calls were being made to recall the intelligence “weather” balloons and burn the human intelligence assets whose information led me to so poorly anticipate both Arsenal and Villa deployments. After all, an army may well fight on its stomach, but a blind squirrel doesn’t find enough nuts to…well, you get my meaning.

The Lineups

Arteta very sensibly determined that freshening-up the squad did not necessarily mean throwing the baby out with the bath water and remained faithful to his accepted starting eleven (there is a reason he is the manager while I sit in the peanut gallery). Benjamin White returned and Jorginho (more on him anon) again deputized for the ailing Partey. The most notable managerial change was resting Martinelli in favor of Trossard. Eminently reasonable.

Ramsdale

White—Saliba—Gabriel—Zinchenko

Ødegaard—Jorginho—Xhaka

Saka—Nketiah—Trossard

There is such a thing as the Fog of War, and the Villa team selection projections are where my “intelligence assets” really let me down (or maybe I’m just an idiot, you pick…or, maybe Emery’s an idiot – yes, I think I prefer that explanation). Uncle Unai obviously plumped for athleticism and thuggery as he made six changes from his line-up against the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC.

 Watkins—Buendia

Coutinho—Kamara—Luiz—McGinn

Moreno—Mings—Konsa—Cash

Krusty the Clown

Although Arsenal had recorded three straight Premier League victories over the Claret and Blue (history), Wednesday’s defeat, and the concomitant hand-wringing meant we needed a result. Arsenal began brightly, building play from the back and shifting the focus of attack well. From the offing, however, it was clear the Villa “players” were instructed to kick Saka and Ødegaard to bits. With no protection from the chunky, but funky, Simon Hooper, Moreno and Coutinho assaulted our Starboy, and the odious Mings mauled Ødegaard. However, Saka gave as good as he got (and was booked for it, wtaf, Simon), and Ødegaard refused to allow himself to be kicked out of the game. Allow me a very brief word here for PGMOL and Howard Webb. If you refuse to protect the brightest, most marketable footballing asset the Football Association has from the absolute thuggery he receives week in and week out, you open yourselves up to, what might be unreasonable, criticism. I mean LGtY’s absolute favorite player is Saka. Teenage lady Gooner’s favorite player is actually Jude Bellingham (but Saka is a close second). If it was Harry Kane…look, I’ll leave it there. 

Somewhat against the run of play, Matty Cash, the Edgbaston clodder himself, actually made a decent football play (his only contribution, to my recollection) by tackling Zinny and playing a delicious diagonal to Ollie Watkins. Watkins took a characteristically poor first touch (remember what I wrote about Villa getting out of their own way?) which should have been enough to allow our usually competent Saliba to stifle the threat. This time, however, Saliba dawdled; Watkins penetrated and fired a composed finish inside Ramsdale’s far post. One might ask whether Ramsdale could have gotten down faster, but his saves later in the game more than made up for this blemish. It was the best start Villa could have anticipated, and Emery (dressed like an aged, no-longer-teenage mutant ninja turtle) celebrated lustily. Guess who else celebrated, albeit less lustily? One Tom Hanks, veritable Hollywood royalty, who was a guest in the Villa Director’s Box. Given the Tom’s choice to support Villa, the judgment of one of his offspring suddenly appears a tad bit less questionable. “…And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.”

Villa 1 – Arsenal 0

Arsenal rebounded from the shock of the Villa opener. After a particular tasty sequence, Benjamin White floated an inviting cross into the center of the box that Nketiah dutifully headed onto the bar. I’m sorry, but you simply have to work the keeper from that position. Eddie labored manfully, and deserved an assist, but he looks a little tired to me. Not to be deterred, after another period of increased pressure and probing, Saka absolutely thumped a left-foot volley from a poorly-executed Mings clearance. What. A. Player. Saka’s intellectual and physical maturation is wondrous to behold. From his ice-cold penalties, to his creativity, to his willingness to be the first player entering the breach (much like Caesar’s willingness to lead his line in Spain and Greece, eh, ClockEndRider?), Saka has become indispensable and undroppable (although we need to rest him, surely). He must be protected.

Villa 1 – Arsenal 1

Villa were not inclined to lie down peaceably and contrived to string together five or so passes ending in a Buendia dummy that, somehow, found its way through Xhaka’s legs to Coutinho. The aging, erratic midfielder wrong-footed Ramsdale with a decent shot from just outside the box. Arsenal should have done better defensively, but the other team gets to play, too. 

Villa 2 – Arsenal 1

A word here about Xhaka. As many of you know, I would rather have seen Vieira start this game in Xhaka’s place (and I think Vieira’s later contributions support this). Xhaka didn’t perform particularly poorly in this match, but he was just anonymous to me. I agree with Clive Palmer (of ArsenalVision acclaim), we have better offensive players to play the left eight (although he prefers Zinchenko in that role), and Xhaka is making fewer defensive contributions to warrant his continued inclusion in the starting role. Let’s see what develops. Arsenal huffed and puffed but were unable to equalize before the half.

HT: Villa 2- Arsenal 1

Those of you who watched All or Nothing: Arsenal are familiar with Arteta’s motivational talks. They can be, generously, described as hit-or-miss. Not that the players are not responding to him, mind you, I think he definitely has them under his spell…and long may it continue. Whatever, our well-coiffed colonel said over chocolate oranges and tea should be archived for future reference because the Boys started the second half on a mission.  Ødegaard, particularly, after again being assaulted by Mings, elevated our midfield intensity several gears. Arsenal, attacking from left to right, directly into the loving arms of our lively and vocal away support, fashioned the first of several bright chances in the 56th minute when Nketiah sent another header just off target. Now, I get that headers are low-probability shots, but…dude? 

After another period of Arsenal dominance resulted in a corner from our right, Saka played a short corner with Ødegaard over to Zinchenko who lashed a left-footed “F-You” low into Krusty’s near post. What a hit! Now, having been beaten at his near post, Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofsky (better known as Krusty the Clown a/k/a Emi Martinez) will definitely be asking himself questions…wait, who am I kidding? Krusty has as much introspection as my housecat. Back to Zinny, what a way to break your duck! How is it, now, that he hasn’t previously scored a Premier League goal? As the kids say, “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

Villa 2 – Arsenal 2

Even as Arsenal continued to press their dominance, that spectre of doom began to creep in as the clock edged closer to full time. Eddie squandered a delightful opportunity from a scrumptious Ødegaard through ball. In the 77th minute, Ødegaard spurned a guilt-edged chance as Eddie, having pressed the Villa defender into a turnover, placed the ball on a plate, and Martin (with a spiritually open goal) fizzed the shot just wide. Minutes later, Leon Bailey (one of several Emery second-half substitutes who hilariously contrived to make the Villa side weaker) collected an aggressive diagonal ball from deep, drove forward, and forced Ramsdale into one of his two key saves. Say what you will about Ramsdale, he has big, brass bollocks. Go on, my son! 

We rambled onward into six minutes of stoppage time thanks to utterly rubbish officiating. Simon is a tosser, and I feared he and his crew would make a draw the likely outcome. However, the Bard of London Colney had a few more plot twists in store. Cast your mind back just a few weeks to the end of the transfer window as Arsenal were being thwarted at every turn by Todd Boehly spending money like a drunken sailor. On the eve of the transfer window closing came a scurrilous rumor of Arsenal doing a deal with said Yank billionaire and the bent Chavs to buy Jorginho? What? No way…surely not. Yes way, and don’t call him Shirley. His name is Jorge Luiz Frello Filho Cavaliere OMRI, he is Italzilian, and he relishes pratfall comedy. Understanding that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, in the 93rd minute, Jorginho called for a cutback from Martinelli (who had been subbed-on for the decent, but rather anonymous Trossard). As the ball comically cutout six Villa “defenders,” Jorginho called on his inner-Partey to lash a right-footed thunderbastard onto the angle of post and bar. The ricochet, in a way that could only have been written beforehand, rebounded off the back of a diving Krusty’s head and into the net. Cue Pandemonium. Cue hilarity. Jorginho might have been a €helski See You Next Tuesday, but, after the Thrilla in Villa, he’s a Red Bastard. He just needs a good song:

He came to us when Partey went.

Jorgi. Jorgi. 

He scored a goal, made Emi bent.

Jorgi. Jorgi. (it’s a work in progress).

As an aside, just as Jorginho’s shot nestled into the back of the net, LGtY, himself, laced a right-footed shot from about 18 yards into the top right corner of the goal. Although I had shouted in celebration of Jorginho’s goal, as I had cheekily brought my phone to watch proceedings from the parent’s gallery, the timing was such that all attendees thought I was cheering my boy’s goal. It was a good goal, but not as good as Jorginho’s 😉. Those parents who looked disapprovingly can do one!

Villa 2 – Arsenal 3

Not satisfied the tragi-comedic script he had written so far, Arteta went full Rowan Atkinson. In the dying embers of stoppage time, hopes of the Villa faithful were tantalizingly buoyed as the boys in Claret and Blue crafted a last-ditch attack and earned a corner. They couldn’t…could they? As the final seconds ticked, and the players jostled, (evidently to Emery’s horror) Krusty’s ostentatiously orange kit joined the fray. The Villa keeper was coming to save the day…only he didn’t. The resulting cross was headed to Vieira who broke at pace and played-in Martinelli who easily outpaced the Villa defenders and Krusty who, to be fair, was running in clown shoes. Vieira (who performed admirably in his substitute appearance) celebrated after the pass, and Martinelli hilariously celebrated before he slotted home the fourth goal.

FT: Villa 2 – Arsenal 4

Conclusion

The three points were indeed heading back to London, but The Bard of London Colney remained unsatisfied. Adding to yesterday’s comedy, as the coach (I assume they traveled by luxury coach) motored down the M1, Arteta sent missives to City Ground, St. James’s Park, and the bus stop in Fulham. Each of the recipients duly obliged his request. Forest’s dogged determination to hold the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC to a draw brought tears of laughter. The Scousers won after hilariously getting the Sovereign Wealth Fund of Saudi Arabia’s goal keeper sent off for handling the ball outside the box. And lowly Southampton edged Graham Potter ever-so-closer to the sack through the sublime foot of James Ward-Prowse. Arteta is both a talismanic general and better than Shakespeare, and the title challenge is back on. There are many twists and turns to come, but Saturday was a fantastic day to be a Gooner. 

Finally, as much as I enjoyed bringing you both the match preview and match report, I only penned the match report because one of our regulars is supporting an ailing family member. I extend positive vibes and earnest prayers for a speedy and full recovery to that individual’s family and to all the other ‘Holics contending with their own infirmities. Be well and take care of each other.

Until the next time, Up the Arse!

MCMBD.

Posted in Match Report | 75 Drinks »

Arteta Must Ensure Love’s Labour is not Lost

Feb 17th, 2023 by

Goonerholicsforever are seriously chuffed to welcome another Goonerholic alumnus, Lonestar Gooner, to our fold of authors. Welcome, Lonestar. Enjoy, everyone…

The Sun sets on Plano, Texas…but not on Arsenal’s season.

I’m a Cancer. That’s really all you need to know about me (queue The Floaters – “Float On”…“Cancer, and my name is Lonestar”). I display a hard outer shell, but, if you manage to pierce it, you’ll find sweet, meaty goodness. Years of neglect, atrophy, near misses, capitulations, disinvestment, and disharmony (even if occasionally punctuated with celebratory false dawns) resulted in quite the Arsenal carapace. I was an emotional crustacean. Never too high, never too low…much like the attendees at the Emirates of old, I was all too content to sit on my hands. “Come on Arsenal. Entertain me.”

Then came Mikel Arteta. Henry Winter astutely observed, “Arsene Wenger built the Emirates and now Mikel Arteta lights it up,” but there’s more to it. Arteta has lit us up. Much like Hemingway’s quote about bankruptcy, Arteta’s transformation started slowly, haltingly, and then all once. Mikel and Edu cleared out the deadwood, bet on youth, and, generally, purchased elite talent. Starting this fall, Arsenal went from strength to strength; scoring goals and grinding out tough, character-building wins. All this effort—all this labor—resulted in a fantasy beginning to the season: fifty-point tally at the midway mark; best season start in Arsenal’s history; a swashbuckling attack coupled with a parsimonious defense; a renewed connection between players and support (home and away); the Ashburton Army; and, heaven forbid, a drummer in the Emirates!  Bottomline, Arteta pierced my shell (and not just mine).

Now comes Arteta, a Spanish general astride a combined-arms army, not unlike that other vaunted Spanish general of yore, Hannibal*, surveying a menacing Premier League landscape and refining his plans for conquest. Just as the Carthaginian army that straggled out of the Alpine passes into Italy was a shadow of the army that began its trek out of Spain, the current Arsenal squad traveling to Birmingham on Saturday is not as vital as it once was. Perhaps other teams have sussed us out? A loss at Everton, a draw at home to Brentford, and a home loss to the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC share distressingly similar traits: an out-of-form midfield, sterile wide possession, uncharacteristically deliberative transitions, and diminished chance creation/goal scoring. We’ve hit a slump…no doubt about that, and there’s work to be done.

But, what to do? Now, I’m about as qualified to opine on solutions to this team malaise as I would be to scrub-in for surgery having stayed the prior night in a Holiday Inn Express (Remember that advertisement campaign? It was so dumb.) However, I consume a lot of Arsenal content, I chat with people who have more football gravitas than myself (several of this parish amongst them), and, although I am a mere punter, I have some thoughts.

Predictability is the Achilles Heel of an army. To bastardize Sun Tzu, when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are distant. When we are distant, we must make the enemy believe we are near. Arteta is an aggressive manager who wants to deny opposition attempts, in the first instance, by possessing the ball. This tactic served Arsenal exceedingly well in the first half of this season, but over the past three matches (I discount the FA Cup loss as a free hit), our once vaunted possession game (especially in the attacking third) has reprised the horseshoe-of-death. Perhaps it’s time to play Martinelli through the middle with Trossard starting on the left? Or, maybe we should give Xhaka a rest and start Vieira at the left eight? Would we even be so bold (perhaps reckless) as to embark on a formation change to a back three at certain periods; ceding possession for a chance at a swift counterattack? Whatever the play, the end result has to strive, once again, to inject uncertainty in opposing defenses and sap opposing attacks of their vitality. I back Arteta to find a solution (but do me a favor, boss, and sort out the substitutions…like-for-like isn’t the only way).

Historians recount that Hannibal, as he led his bedraggled army out of the Alps into the Po River Valley, was surrounded by hostile Gauls who, having heard Hannibal was coming to free them from the yoke of Roman oppression, remained, shall we say, unconvinced. Arteta could commiserate. Fresh off the back of three forgettable outings, Arsenal now face an early Saturday kick-off in the Birmingham hinterlands against none other than our dear uncle, and former gaffer, Unai Emery. A whopping forty-eight hours to recover? The Premier League fixture programmers are simply spoiling us. To make matters worse, just as Hannibal lost his battle elephants, save for one, during the Alps crossing, Arteta has also lost his midfield pachyderm-come-matador. No one can seriously argue we didn’t miss Partey on Wednesday, and his absence on Saturday, should that come to pass (no pun intended), would be a significant loss. Nketiah looks jaded (defenses are no longer troubled at the moment), and heaven help us if something happens to our Starboy. Finally, Emery will be spoiling for a fight, and the Villa players and fans will be champing at the bit to put right their own 3-1 defeat at the hands of the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC. The coincidences are bewildering and may portend a frustrating slog.

The dastardly Villans currently sit in eleventh place, and they are a mercurial lot. On their day, equally as likely to defeat Tottnum (I mean who doesn’t, really) or Chelsea (again, who doesn’t) as to lose to Leicester, Villa features a World Cup winner in goal (formerly of this parish, but always thinking of lost love); a lively, if underachieving, midfield; and an athletic and wily strike partnership of Watkins and Bailey. The midfield, particularly interesting, sports Buendia (perennially rumored as an Arsenal transfer target), Luiz (an Arsenal target in the last summer transfer window), and Ramsey (disappointing season so far, but with that name…oh, now THAT’S a thought). With McGinn and Coutinho as substitutes, the Villa midfield provides a good mix of graft, connection, and bite; hell, they might even add some goal threat if they ever learn to get out of their own way. It’s the Villa back line, however, that could be just the healing salve for Arsenal’s battle-weary troops. Against the-expensively-assembled-€itzens-of-(allegedly)-Off-Balance-Sheet-FC, the Villa back four started the vampiric Ashley Young (how old is he now?), Konsa, Chambers (formerly of this parish), and Digne, but the Edgbaston clodder, Matty Cash, and Tyrone Mings (if healthy) could also deputize. In the reverse fixture, last August, Arsenal bagged two goals (Jesus and Martinelli) on the back of twenty-two shots (nine on target) and fifty-nine percent possession. I could see Saka and Martinelli shredding the Villa flanks, and, if we duplicate those previous shot numbers, we could replicate the Carthaginian slaughter of the Romans at Cannae. Alas, that was Stevie G’s Villa, and Arsenal have averaged just fifteen shots (four on target) across their last three matches.

Although it feels like the Arsenal of the first half season featured blistering starts, a cursory review of the match reports doesn’t necessarily substantiate that. However, I believe it axiomatic that early goals force the opposition to become more attack-minded, and this current Arsenal could use every advantage as they endeavor to overcome the opposition low block. I back the wily Spaniard to freshen things up a bit and go with the following line-up:

Ramsdale

Tomiyasu — Saliba — Gabriel — Tierney

Ødegaard — Jorginho — Vieira

Saka — Martinelli — Trossard

Meanwhile, I expect Emery to counter thusly:

Watkins — Bailey

Buendia — Luiz — Kamara — Ramsey

Digne — Mings (if healthy) — Konsa — Young

Martinez

It’s imperative we re-ignite our attacking left side, and I think Tierney could combine with Vieira and Trossard to do just that. Even if Arteta elects, in Partey’s absence, to retain Xhaka for defensive stability, I would expect Tierney and Trossard to combine early and often on the left. On the right, I think Arteta will stick with Tomiyasu (and give him a chance to make amends for Wednesday’s error). Playing Martinelli through the middle is exactly the kind of unorthodox change that could provide some much needed unpredictability. He, Trossard, and Saka could swap roles as needed, and Eddie could come on in the final twenty minutes to terrify tired legs. I like Vieira to provide attacking verve and industry. I’m of the view that the fastest horses are useless, if they aren’t allowed to run, and the Carthaginian Army lived (and died) by its cavalry; so, “Regulators” mount-up.

The ‘Holic Pound

I’m not much of a gambler. I mean, I’ve been known to play a hand or two of Texas Hold ‘Em, and I might be persuaded to contribute to the idiot tax whenever the Powerball exceeds $500MM or so, but I couldn’t begin to tell you how to read odds or find a bookmaker. Current projections have Arsenal at fifty-three percent to win. We need a response, and I expect a fast start from Arsenal on Saturday. Look for Martinelli to get off the schnied and score early. We’re also due for a clean sheet, so I’m forecasting a 0-3 scoreline. In keeping with my line-up prediction, a cursory betting search did return a cheeky 7/1 odds (whatever that means) for Martinelli to score the first goal. As usual, Holics, only bet what you can afford to lose because, when you play for fun, you’ve already won!

Arteta and the lads have labored mightily to get to this point (joint-top with a game-in-hand, may I remind), but, right now, this army needs a bit of spark, a touch of magic. Providing that inspiration is the general’s job. It’s up to him to find the right mixture of personnel, tactics, insight, strategy, and initiative to ensure his army is gestalt. Leading this club, playing for the shirt, and supporting the team are all labors of love. So, although Love’s Labour’s Lost is a comedy with a less-than-humorous ending, if Arteta takes a cue from Lady MacBeth, he may yet find a way to lead us to glory. Time to screw your courage to the sticking place, Mikel.

Have a good one, ‘Holics. Come on you Gunners!

MCMBD.

*Now, before the pedants come for me, rightly, observing that Hannibal was Carthaginian not Spanish, I maintain that, given Hannibal was around nine years old when he accompanied his father, Hamilcar, as the patriarchal Barcid “left” Carthage for Spain, and Hannibal was approximately twenty-nine years old when he assumed command of the Carthaginian Army and set out for Rome, Hannibal was at least as much Spanish as Carthaginian. Hell, I’ve been living in Texas just over twenty years, and I’m definitely a Texan now! If you remain unconvinced, then, it’s my review, so there!

Posted in Match Preview | 69 Drinks »

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